Hi everyone, just feeling like I need a little support today

Hi everyone, just feeling like I need a little support today. I just got out of an 8 year relationship with someone that's put me through so much. I'm not a perfect person as I have made mistakes in the relationship but I will always take accountability when I'm wrong. Every time I have a concern or I confront him about something he gets so angry, packs up all my things and tells me to leave. I've lived there for 4 years and because it's his house he feels he can kick me out whenever he wants to. This has happened so many times in the past years that I've lost track. He keeps me blocked from all of his social media accounts so that I'm out of the loop with everything. This last time he kicked me out was because he was messaging another woman agreeing to go out for drinks. He had all my stuff packed up within a few hours. I'm always walking on eggshells because I never know what will set him off. It can be anything. One day I got up and starting continuing a little craft I had been working on the night before, and because I hadn't made the bed and starting my routine clean up in the morning he called me useless and once again told me to leave. I can't even trust my own thoughts or judgements anymore because when he does this after a couple of hours I start thinking I was in the wrong, and then I call him begging to take me back. He can turn anything into an argument, any vacation we have ever been on is always a constant battle if something doesn't go right. He's always angry on the road when we drive, giving people the middle finger and swerving around them. I don't know how I can get out of this routine of me begging him to take me back? I've lost my own voice and I don't really know what a life without him would look like.

show more ⇓
Comment
 6
View 3 More Comments
[2560]
May 19

I totally understand where you are coming from. I had a 7 year relationship that was toxic and in my case it was my gf that was the abuser. She used to threaten me all the time to leave. It was a form of control and abuse. There were a lot of things that went on all the time where I never knew what I would be walking into and was always walking on eggshells not wanting to upset her. I felt that she could just turn the table in an instant and there was no stability. Its a terrible situation to be in and it takes away your self esteem. I am so happy for you to get out. I think my gf suffered from some form of personality disorder and feeling a lack of self worth and she would try to make me out to be the bad person so as to make me feel afraid. Nothing ever made sense and it got worse over time. At the end of it she had pushed away all my friends and family and I had no support. I never felt so alone in all my life. She finally made good on her threats, moved out and was with another man in less than 3 weeks. Its been 2 years now and I think I have made some progress been making friends and getting some of my self esteem back. It took so much out of me. I know you did the right thing for yourself and it may not be easy but nobody deserves to be treated poorly or made to feel less than. They are sick people that need help. Stay strong and you will find your way. So glad you are here. This is a good place to be. Hugs

show more ⇓
Reply
[580]
May 20

Thanks so much. I'm glad that your out and building back your self esteem and meeting new people. I knew this was going to be hard and wow has today ever been hard. Nothing seems the same, everything seems unfamiliar and I can only go out of the house for short periods of time before I start feeling extreme sadness and panic. I'm really hoping this gets better

Reply
[2560]
May 21

@butterflygirl3 I know how you feel. It is unfamiliar. Its great that you are here, I personally think that support is so important to recovery and having other people around you to validate you helps so much. The important thing is that you did the right thing for yourself and that took a lot of strength and courage. Give yourself some credit and look at the positive things. For me it was like coming out of a Fog. It still is. I was so naïve and for me I wanted to believe that my gf loved me. But was in constant battle with why would she do this or say this or treat me like that. My idea of what love was got distorted. I got physically tired from the emotional rollercoaster I was on. You get memories that will play over and over in your head and its little distractions that get me away from those things. Having friends to talk to helps. Understanding the nature of what you went through helps to put things in perspective. Realizing that your husband did not value you and instead said hurtful things to control and manipulate you because if you were to get better and value yourself you might see that he is incapable of giving you what you need. Love is kind and nurturing not hurtful and abusive. It helped me to journal too. Get things down on paper helps to get it out of your head. Do things for yourself to be good to yourself. If you want to message me I sent you a PM request and I will help you any way I can, just to be there to listen if that's what you need. I think letting my feelings out helps a lot. I know I need to do more of that myself.

show more ⇓
Reply

Login or Register

You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user.

Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by

registering or logging into your account