Hi everyone, i'm looking for any ideas you might have. my hu

Hi everyone, i'm looking for any ideas you might have. my husband has been unemployed for half of our 10 year marriage, and currently unemployed since the pandemic began. I have a full time, very secure job with good benefits & retirement and we are able to survive because of mortgage forebearance, student loan forebearance etc. But I don't even make 6 figures and we have 2 children and live in Los Angeles. We live in a wealthy area and all my friends are stay at home moms, this makes me feel like a horrible mom, then I feel even worse that even though I waste my time in a job I can't provide all of what my family needs -- not even half. I feel like a worthless failure. My husband gets FURIOUS any time I bring up any of this, or ask him if/when he might get work/money. I think about killing myself all the time because I can't handle the stress and anxiety and depression PLUS my partner who just gaslights me and acts like I should be happy he is constantly unemployed. None of my friends have situations like this -- all of their husbands support them. What is wrong with me? Does anyone have advice for how I can make my husband less hateful to me? Thanks in advance. PS - I can't divorce him because I can't afford to pay him spousal support and I don't want to give him my kids for half the time (those are the laws in my state). So I'm looking for other ideas. Thank you!

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(7785)
Jul 21

@LeoC I’m sorry you’re so stressed. You’re not going to change him but you can change you. If you’ve not done so already, you definitely need the support of a therapist to follow you for your depression and help you look at your stressors.
You want to be a super-mom and you’re blaming yourself for coming up short. A key question you should be asking yourself is not how can you make your husband less hateful to you, but how can you make yourself less hateful to you?
I’m not criticizing you by making these comments because it’s obvious you’re doing everything you can to be a responsible wife and parent. However, if you continue on the path you’re now on, it will take a very heavy toll on you emotionally and physically.
And if your children are still at home (it sounds like they’re in college), they’re on the receiving end of your stress as well as the interactions with your husband. Something has to give. It’s time for you to focus on what’s best for you and the children.
Your guideline for improvement should not be what your friends have that you don’t, but what can you do to be happy and content and feel the love for yourself that you deserve.

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(150)
Jul 29

This sounds like what I go through. We're not married but I've got the same concern with my kids. I have no idea what I'm going to do either. Just know you're not alone - we will make it through.

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Wolfgurl1's picture
(1115)
Jul 29

Tell him if he doesn't get a job he needs to leave. Dont divorce just say you want him to leave. Do you have family that can help with children while you work??? That's my opinion only but the care of the kids come first before making any decisions. He had better do all the house work and the kids if you have to work every day...my opinion only. Everyone is hiring paying big bucks for food workers around this country alot with sign on bonuses.

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