Hello everyone, I don't talk here much, I should though. Thi

tabbycat65's picture
(1475)

Hello everyone, I don't talk here much, I should though. This is a great community. I just had a bizzar conversation with my husband and it is troublesome of his attitude. Long story short I busted him again on Facebook and this was his come back...”I am now and always will be yours and yours alone. And i know what i do is wrong. But in my eyes it is just porn... you can watch a porn movie and its just 2 people screwing. But the date site was just fake women saying they like me. Dont know what happened with facebook. She friended me and i flirted. My mistake. I dont ever mean anything by it”. Over the years I have learned how to deal with his sexting and flirting, I have reached a point where it really doesn't bother me much. It is his mindset that is disturbing.

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andine's picture
(57480)
May 4

@tabbycat65 sorry you are not receiving the validation you deserve from those around you. Try to spend less time with those people if possible, they seem to be tearing you down vs giving you support. It is a form of gaslighting, trying to brainwash you into believing that you are crazy and to not trust your feelings.

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MoonDanc3r's picture
(1125)
May 4

@tabbycat65 It makes me sad that you are understanding (or trying to understand) his behavior, because I've done the same thing with myself, & it was when I felt so worthless, I would have let a partner do horrible things & just felt like I deserved it for being awful or something. As a third party, I don't understand his behavior towards you or like it at all. As someone who's lived with & spent long periods with partners like yours, I know all of the things I told myself & other people to justify me being mistreated. But I also knew that if anyone I cared about was treated that way, it would make me angry. Are you able to put yourself in the place of someone you care a lot about? I mean, try to see yourself as someone you care about--some times if I can try to put myself in a friend's shoes or something, I'm finally able to feel the frustration I didn't always feel on my own behalf. You have a right to be respected. I understand the devotion--I promise. But you deserve someone to be that devoted to you--and you deserve to be devoted to yourself. I don't have any easy answers because I'm dealing with a sharp learning curve on that one, but I do know it's true. Please know that you matter, even if you don't feel that way yet. I know it is incredibly complex, & there's no easy answer or "right answer." But you are worth fighting for--whether you stay with him or not. You matter. Hugs.

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tabbycat65's picture
(1475)
May 4

@MoonDanc3ryes, you are right on all. I have been working on myself for a while. I am worthy of better. I now love myself. I do not tolerate BS such as this ever, but I think at my age this was my last time to get married, thought he was different, yes he is that good...lol, but did see 3 weeks in the marriage. There is no hope or changing this one, not that I am for changing anyone, but had hope for 5 years, that is gone. I am free from this in my heart, now to get my own home and be free in person.

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