This week's Topic: Giving yourself permission to be imperfect!!!

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Guys? I need your help. What do I do if I'm trying to

xXBeautifully-CorrodedXx's picture
[8385]

Guys?

I need your help.

What do I do if I'm trying to talk to somebody and they don't validate me when I'm trying to explain to them what they did to hurt my feelings?

This person is complaining that instead of talking through what happened that I just walked away from the conversation, but it was because I started this conversation. I was trying to get this person to understand that they hurt my feelings by doing what they did and instead they try to explain why they hurt my feelings. Rather than validate how I was feeling. And rather than validating how I was feeling they admitted that they were not going to validate how I felt because he felt forced into being understood how I was feeling.

I ask this person what they wanted from me since they felt like I was poorly communicating with them, and he said that he wants me to just talk and listen. But how can I talk and listen if he's not willing to listen to me? If he's not willing to listen to how I feel because honestly, what do I do then? I tried to explain how it made me feel when he did what he did and yet he just explained it away as in like, "oh? These are your feelings but I don't care because this is why I did what I did."

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SimonaAlex's picture
[6935]
Feb 25

@xXBeautifully-CorrodedXx Look, I understand that you want him to understand, but he keeps ignoring your feelings. In fact, you won't feel any better if he does this.

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[40]
Feb 25

I've been here , with my current boyfriend. trying to talk about something he did that bothers me and the immediate response is defensive and he becomes the victim. I learned to not let that happen. I literally at one point have had to say- "I brought this up, my feelings are hurt- if something is bothering you we need to address it separately so we can come to resolution." Also- it is your Ex- please move on. You don't need that person for practice, it sounds like you are trying to keep that person in your life.

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[121950]
Feb 27

This person will probably push back your boundaries intentionally, continuing to hurt you. They are most likely keen to what is happening. As long as this person is not putting your health at risk, continue practicing.

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