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Been seeing a woman we are making plans for a future she cal

Been seeing a woman we are making plans for a future she calls me her soulmate yet she wont tell her stbx (who lives in her basement she says) or her kids about me. She has asked to move in with me, yet she backed out of telling them on monday and now needs to "think about things" with regards to us. She is upset because I was dissapointed she didnt tell them.

Does anyone else think she is full of sh!t and in reality she is having an affair & I'm the other man? Should add she wont even tell me where she lives.

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[16745]
Oct 15

@Knoxdown Maybe just slow down and take a break and regroup. There’s a lot of red flags there. No need for her to move in with you right away.... if you want to have a relationship then openly date each other and get to know her family and intro her to yours. If she has a stbx then she really isn’t avail to date and you ARE the “other man.” Is that what you want? Are u ok with her not being honest? How old are her kids? If they are young and against the relationship that is a big issue to overcome before moving forward...
Good luck. Keep us posted

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[1820]
Oct 15

You are right and I do feel like the other man. Dont understand her end game though. She is with me a few nights a week though never in her home or her hometown. She is always trying to see me and claims I am the love of her life, so if I am the other man her husband my be a bleeding moron as she gets home at 3 & 4 am everytime were out. I know something is off but what it is I don't have a clue. Let's say I'm in this though definitely not as blindly as I was a few weeks ago. Her kids are 9-17 but it's only the 15yo against the relationship. Not really sure where we are going right now.
Thanks for the advice much appreciated

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[3110]
Oct 16

@Knoxdown You need to let her know that the relationship cannot go forward (moving in with you) unless you have the opportunity to go to her home, meet her children and her ex. a number of times. That will give you much better insight into the whole picture. It will also let you know how receptive the children are to you.

If she is unwilling to do that, it will raise one more important red flag. Dealing with teens is a challenge for even a stable family. It would mean the children have to change schools (a difficult transition at this age after a school year has started), but particularly for teens. it is yet another red flag of a parent who places herself first.

Do you have a good income? If her ex is there because they cant afford living apart, you should be suspicious that money may be her motive for moving in with you. Who owns her house? There may not be a proper divorce settlement and there may be debts to pay.

You should have been told all of these things openly and invited to meet her children and ex if she is truly in love with you. Be very careful because you may be dealing with a narcissist.

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