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A few months ago I broke up with my girlfriend, even though

A few months ago I broke up with my girlfriend, even though we were only together for a year, it felt like 10. We had the same friends, were together almost everyday, and her family adored me and I them. Near the end of the relationship I started to start realizing that she was a bit psychotic and would get upset over small things(forgetting to text her goodnight, hanging out with my friends instead of her, hugging other girls who were my friends because they were unhappy and just needed a hug etc.) but not once was I ever upset at her because it never mattered enough to me to make a deal out of anything because I’d rather us just be happy together. Well I started thinking that it wasn’t a good relationship to stay in. I was going to end it before I went on vacation but I wimped out and decided to do it after it. Well during the trip I broke my phone and was unable to text her(she later on accused me of breaking my phone just to avoid her texts) but I met this girl, she was sweet and nice and listened to my problems. Me being an idiot thought that if I planned to end my relationship then it wouldn’t count as cheating. Well I was an idiot. I broke up with her the day I was supposed to get back over text because she said if I were ever to break up with her she wanted me to do it over text. Later on I ended up in an airport bathroom crying. It was a rough ending but I eventually thought it was for the better. 2 weeks later she finds out about the girl somehow. She calls me and immediately starts berating me and telling me I should “blow my f*cking brain out” and that I deserve to die and that no one will ever love me and everyone around me is using me for underlying reasons and doesn’t actually want to be around me. And so forth. That day was really rough on me and long story short I ended up chucking a knife in the woods as far as I could and calling my friend to come pick me up, I don’t blame her for anything because I feel she’s justified. The next few weeks I closed myself off and stopped talking to my friends for fear they didn’t really want me around. To sum up from then to currently as quickly as possible, I started talking to them again and they’re now my main friends who I see everyday and they’re truly the only thing that keeps me happy. They tell me I was wrong for cheating but that it was good for me to get out of the relationship. But I now I use a copious amount of drugs and I can’t stop thinking about how happy she is with her new bf and how pitiful I am for still crying myself to sleep every night over a girl who doesn’t even think about me anymore. I want to call her everyday but I know she won’t answer. I don’t know if it’s Stockholm syndrome or whatever but I miss even her tangents and her rants. I’ve been in 2 relationships since then but neither of them last long, I want that feeling of being in love again but I can’t find it, I want to want to spend my time with someone everyday but I can’t. I have no hope for any relationships in my future and I fear even though she was psycho that I missed out on the greatest thing to come into my life, I made the mistake of unblocking her on Instagram tonight and looking at her feed and I broke down into tears. Why am I still hung up on her? Why can’t I move past it? Why can’t I go a day without thinking about her and wanting to go see her. How can anyone keep throwing themselves into relationships when they always end in the worst ways? All I can think about when i start dating someone is how it’s going to end, and how I can stay detached and how to avoid getting my heart crushed again. Which obviously ruins the relationship. If anyone responds i don’t care if you even register anything before this, I just want one answer, how can people love after losing someone so close to them?

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[100]
Sep 11

@dan1950 I’ll make sure to start taking steps towards talking with friends and family thank you for the advice I really needed it

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[1245]
Sep 13

I had a relationship with a gal that ended badly. It hurt for a year or so. I too thought my dating future was dim. I was having trouble forgiving her for how our relationship ended.
I then found a singles group at a local church. The group would meet once a week. The leader would guide us through a topic that singles needed to hear. Topics like getting out from underneath your circumstances, how couples should treat each other, the importance of prayer in a relationship, etc. The topics were great - and I needed them. All of the singles in attendance needed to hear these things. In some way or another - we all needed healing for past relationships. I found the group on meetup.com. Check around. There is probably a group like that in your area. An online resource I like is called boundless.org. I have found some great articles there on a variety of topics. Good luck. You have a bright dating future ahead of you!

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Jimdub's picture
[1200]
Sep 18

I am sorry for what you are going through. But I have to say I think you dodged a bullet there. Your ex girlfriend was displaying narcissistic tendencies with her trying to control you, But the way she tried to tear you down to nothing was full on narcissism. I am glad you are seeing someone professionally, Do you have anyone else to talk to like a trusted friend, or sibling or even your church pastor?
I have included a link to a list of helpful resources for depression, hope they help Prayers my friend.
Oh and you will find that special someone. I used to feel the same way, One day my friend invited me to go offroading with his girlfriend and her friend. Her friend and I ended up in the bed of the truck. We have now been married 35 years, so you just never know when God is going to bring the right women to you or how. http://bit.ly/2yc8nk5

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