Boyfriend of 8 years, (have been close friends since we were

Boyfriend of 8 years, (have been close friends since we were 6, he was my highschool/college sweetheart.) told me 12 hours ago that he couldn’t love me anymore. He doesn’t see us having a future or growing together anymore. We just bought a house, adopted a puppy, we had two cats. He’s taking everything and now I’m homeless. Lost my job two months ago and haven’t been able to find one with the same income. I begged him to please at least try to work and talk things out, he refused. He was my everything, I don’t have many friends, my family is very broken and unsupportive and now I’m here because the very vague and unempathetic lifeline chat suggested it. I don’t even wanna hear that people are going through the same kinda crap. That doesn’t help? Its doesnt make me feel less alone at all. That family we had built was the only thing keeping me from committing suicide. I held onto it every single day just to keep smiling and get by. I actively tried my hardest to love him the best I could. I wasn’t perfect and made plenty mistakes but I’m human. At least I tried? But all for naught. Those animals and that man were the only positives in my life. My degree is worthless, I’m struggling to be a functioning human being and he just gets to walks away with everything we built. I have struggled with immense self loathing since I was a kid. I don’t see myself as worth any real outreach or support even if I had it available. I’m planning on buying a helium tank this afternoon to commit suicide peacefully. As much as my family has traumatized and tormented me, I know this would hurt some people, though that doesn’t feel like enough to keep going. Life is perpetually nonconsensual. I had no choice but to exist and I’m angry about it. Nothing good is worth this much bad to me. Terrible health insurance, multiple unaddressed health issues and cosmetic defects. Only 25 and feel like I’m 60 and weary of life. Don’t have great looks to help with self image, no real skills or talents that mean anything to our screwed up world (painters only get famous when they die anyways) and Now I have no support and no reason to keep going. I can’t wait for things to get better.

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Nov 27

@kprincess613
OH back pain, that was my old friend. I suffered from back pain for over a decade after I had sciatica, but the good news is that I finally found a remedy. If you are interested let's have a private conversation let me guide you.

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kprincess613's picture
(4155)
Nov 27

@NCMom thanks it really feels like a day to day process. I hope to get to a better place. I know it will take time.

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kprincess613's picture
(4155)
Nov 27

@Lucasia yeah I have degenerative disc disease and bulging disc. It is definitely something I just live with day to day. Some days better than others.

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