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I used to very confident but then my boyfriend chose another

I used to very confident but then my boyfriend chose another girl over me for a year (he was not my boyfriend at the time). She was using self harm tactics and manipulation on him and he always claims that was the reason for his decisions. We together for more than a year now and I love him so much. However, I always feel that he chose her because she was just prettier than me or I lacked in some way. I mean how does someone choose manipulation over love? He claims to have always loved me but chose someone else based on manipulation. It kills that I will never know the real answer and whether he just settled for me now. It makes me feel insecure and ugly. I cry almost everyday about it despite it being more than a year now. I feel like I'm being petty and my issues are petty but I seriously am struggling. Please help.

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[5715]
Oct 23

@AnotherUser He chose you over her which means that he finds qualities in you that he prefers. And since he's been with you for a year it means he is pleased with you the way you are. That should be enough.

Instead of using each moment to give and receive the love and respect you have together, you are filling your mind with what should have happened. That's not fair to you or him and takes away from the bond you can build together.

The issue is not the past. The issue is your belief that you are not enough when everything that is happening is telling you that you are enough. If you’re not able to see that and act on it, then you should see a therapist to help you move to a point where you’re comfortable with you the way you are.

Then you will become the partner you want to be and will be able to give yourself fully and freely to your relationship. Hugs

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[470]
Oct 24

Hello AnotherUser, first of all, it seems as though you have a big heart and a beautiful mind, which is way more valuable on the scale of desirable qualities than just being pretty. Therefore, instead of focusing on being pretty, you might focus on the qualities that come natural for you. I think you need to stop comparing yourself to that other girl, before you start going insane. Your boyfriend is still with you, and he has been with you for over a year, so be happy with that. You said that you're happy with him, and he's obviously very happy with you. I think you should stop worrying about why he chose that other girl before, and be happy with what you have. If you want to keep the relationship going for a long time, make a lot of happy memories together, and try to surprise him every now and then. Keep in mind that just because another girl might be prettier, doesn't mean that she's more intelligent, or that she has a beautiful personality, or a big heart. Also, be aware that a pretty face comes with a service life.

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[85]
Oct 24

@kgmaxwell thank you so much

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