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Kind of disappointed in myself for feeling so conflicted but

Chicagonewenglandgirl's picture
[535]

Kind of disappointed in myself for feeling so conflicted but I ended up talking to my ex who I broke up with back in March since I finally figured out how to settle things that would make me still tied to him so I can finally put our relationship behind me.
A little background on our relationship, we were together for 9 years lived together in a different state for 8 years having 2 cats together. And I was engaged to him for 6 years planning our wedding by the time I had to end things because of cheating on his end.
So speaking to him today I've been alright with moving forward but knew I had to take care of a few things before I can truly move forward. One of those things was selling my car. Living in a different state makes it difficult but I found a way to do it where I don't have to be physically present but I'll still get everything from the transaction securely. He keeps me on the phone for nonsense so I see the opportunity to bring up the break up and he tells me he still feels like he did nothing wrong but felt like I did by moving back home without much of a warning... Then he decides to text me dirty pics and offers to fly me out for a weekend to spend together...
I know the obvious answer is a screaming NO but at the same time I find myself contemplating because I want to see if I can get that closure. But I feel bad like I'm taking steps backwards even contemplating this.

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[2515]
20 hours ago

@ Chicagonewenglandgirl, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. I am sorry for what you are going through. It seems that you have the answers for this situation. However, it is not clear the reasons for why you broke up your relationship with him, and took radical decisions, such as selling your car and even to move to another state. If this relationship was a toxic relationship and did not help you to grow as a person, I encourage you do not regret, try to be determine in your decisions and do not back up. It is important to set up boundaries to have good relationships with other, especially when we are in love. Have you ever thought of seeking counseling or therapy? Counseling or therapy works through things like this. You are valuable and worthy of fighting for. I hope this helps. Sending you hugs. I will keep you in my prayers, my friend.

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Chicagonewenglandgirl's picture
[535]
11 hours ago

@graceforeverandever the relationship was very toxic. Full of emotional abuse, threats of physical abuse, constant gaslighting, cheating on many occasions. I broke the relationship and moved back to where I'm from because I caught him cheating with an ex and not just any ex but an ex who made him a sex offender. That was the final straw for me and I couldn't continue anymore because I knew I'd turn into a person I'm not; not being able to trust him at all not even to go to work. Didn't want to become that person so I left. Not a decision I wanted to make considering the circumstances of building my life with him my whole adult life for almost a decade and planning our wedding at the time but because I had been going to therapy for a few years I grew the strength to value my worth as a woman which I hadn't before any therapy.

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Rdan's picture
[4030]
9 hours ago

@Chicagonewenglandgirl Trust your gut instincts. If your gut says no - then it's no. I spent a lot of time thinking with the "small head". Got me in a lot of trouble that really could have been avoided.No one blames you for considering because we all get lonely but you really did well by redirecting. I hope you find a group of folk who have shared interests to do positive things and have fun - that's usually when you find someone who is interested (common interests). Bless you. :)

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