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Sorry I have so much to say, this is my third post... In the

Sorry I have so much to say, this is my third post... In the past we had savings in the bank - he spent it and I was livid to find out when it was almost all gone that he'd been dipping in to pay random bills, for general expenses etc etc) and when I talked to friends they said I should have kept it in accounts he can't access (as a foreign spouse, I can only open joint accounts) and hey, maybe we just have different definitions of emergency savings, what IS an emergency to me is different from an emergency to him. He always spends beyond our last dollar and when he knows I've set some side, he'll dip into that too until it's gone. And now the credit cards are also almost gone. He insisted on borrowing from his parents, knowing how reckless he is I tried to talk him out of it. But it didn't work, now he owes his parents a huge amount, they're retired and without an income they put the house in the children's names. We don't even have enough for our own rent and we need to pay his parents mortgage, and I feel terrible that we contributed to the situation by borrowing from them (although they are also terrible at managing finances, prioritizing expensive international holidays too). So with his parents, the banks, other creditors we owe hundreds of thousands. He asked me today if I'm anxious, I said yes. Then he said, is that productive? He can compartmentalize, so he was talking about signing up for a gym membership. In my mind I'm thinking how is that a priority right now??? I've been burned burned burned by listening to his over optimistic thinking and we're in over our heads and I feel like he's still burying his head in the sand and practicing magical thinking.

Despite agreeing otherwise, he started spending money on the credit cards. We're now maxed out, he's negotiating the car loan every month for a couple of days extension to repay so it doesn't get repossessed.
We're behind on our rent for the house and the office, I'm worried we soon won't even have a roof over our heads.
He doesn't want to apply for a job, despite multiple "deadlines" that have passed when he said, if xyz doesn't change or it doesn't work out then I'll look for a job. I feel guilty to pressure him to get a job because our business is practically dead, I have no qualifications and in a foreign country where it's just hard for me to get stuck unless and maybe even if I ask him to pull strings, I'm worried he'll oversell me and exaggerate and I'll fail on the job (which may be just my confidence in the gutter, I don't know). And we're certainly not in a position for me to pay for studies either.
At the same time, we're traveling to other countries for "business opportunities", lots of photos on social media - the high flying life. I'm stressed and anxious because we are way beyond our means. He's optimistic that things will turn around. He'll say, "Remember the last time? We paid off our debt in 6 months! The deals I'm working on will close in the next 2-3 months." I feel like I'm going nuts coz he treats me like I'm being so negative when "there's so much opportunity and things will turn around really soon."

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CKBlossom's picture
Apr 9

It sounds like he revels in this type of lifestyle, the razor edge, but that it stresses you out. If you are cut out of the decision making process, how can things be made better?

April's picture
Apr 15

@whatisthisreall - my H does this & it has led us to ruins. DO something now to protect yourself. I had to cut off all joint bank accts., credit cards, etc & open individual accts. in my name only. Don't let this guy destroy your credit history, it hurts us for a lifetime. My H got 9-loans in a 3yr. time frame..., WHO DOES THAT unless their nuts. Keep in mind a "good predictor of future behavior is PAST behavior". Mine never grew up & took responsibility so I had too. Take your future back, quietly if necessary, I had to & yes it causes a wedge yet if you decide later in life to go different direction at least you'll have fighting chance to put roof overhead & some food.


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