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******* Trigger Warner******* I have been going through E

MarkCaron's picture

******* Trigger Warner*******

I have been going through EMDR therapy for C-PTSD relating to Emotional and mental trauma from my childhood. This journey started when I was diagnosed with a Somatoform disorder in 2017. Conversion disorder in my case. As I started the Therapy it became clear that the cause for the trouble was my mother. She had been telling me lies about my father to make herself look better. Like Dad was the violent one. One of the thing EMDR does is to remove the blocks that prevent you from dealing with the trauma. These block are put in place to permit you to keep going until the you are somewhere safe to deal with them. If however you are contineuly exposed to the same trauma over and over the block may become to ingrained to overcome. One example of this is combat soldiers. another is battered women. Once the block is removed you can proceed forward to the next block. I have opened Pandora's box and peered inside. My father would spank us boys with his belt but never more than 2 and he never raise a welt. It was painful but more to gain attention than anything else. Mom would use her shoe and continue until she was out of rage. sometimes leaving our backside black & blue. Dad would leave our britches in place as a safe guard. Dad was constant with like behavior resulting same punishment. You never knew what might set mom off. While I was processing this and some of the things that now EX Wife did, mom calls me and states that she has new about my youngest brother but that I must not tell anyone. I said "If you are not supposed to tell anyone, don't tell me." she ignored my request and told me anyway. She also told me some things about my step father that he had told me a moth prior except the two stories were way off base one to the other. I have a long way to go in this struggle for mental health but at least now I am seeing things as the were.

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Apple iFeel's picture
Feb 16

@MarkCaron, those inconsistencies are a heavy one to deal with. Like mom like ex. I feel that is was the ex that opened Pandora’s box for me and it’s ever since we broke up all these demons are surfacing. I’m actually understanding a whole range of things. It’s scary how we manifest our reality from our insecurities.

MarkCaron's picture
Feb 17

TreborH that is true. And once open you can not close the lid again, even if you want to.

Jason197272's picture
Feb 17

Markcaron live life I forgot how to when I was molested. I am gay and proud to see who I will be in the years to come. Walking down the street holding my mans hand.


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