My wife has been diagnosed with PTSD. we have been married f

[165]

My wife has been diagnosed with PTSD. we have been married for 17 years. have 3 beautiful kids. She had a horrible life growing up. Grandparents became her parents and now they both have passed away. last year she snapped and now the kids and I are walking every day on what will set her off. She has been diagnosed in the past few months. She has tried to commit suicide 3 times on me. She as told me how she will do it and which overpasses to drive off. After this I got her to go to a doc for help. (Few months ago) she went to spend some time with her sibs and now I am paying the consequences as it triggered something. I am so frustrated! I know that she has to process this but why cannot I take it away! In looking online for help for me. all I find is Vets help. I have no support group around me and I feel I am starting to go crazy. can anyone please help me or give me tips on how to support myself and kids while she works on herself? Any reads or what has worked for you would be so helpful!

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[165]
Oct 31

We do have a gun safe and I have hidden the keys. I believe guns are for hunting and protection. I do not own a hand gun. Thank you for your words. I am realizing that I have been emotionally abused by her for the past 8 9 years. I have not got an appointment yet but am working on that still. I do have to set boundries for myself and for my kids. They are my all and I have to protect them. I enjoy to days when the person I fell in love with is there. Those are amazing days. I think with her working on her things, I expect there to be two steps forward and three steps back. But on those back days, it is hard to see those good days. Then just when I think when is enough enough, the women of my dreams comes back and we have a few amazing days before it starts all over. Thank you for your prayers. I know Heavenly Father is there! There are days when I am praying that peace comes over me and I get the stupor of thought as the scriptures say. When I first saw her, we sat by each other in church. I had an impression that I needed to get to know her. I could not stop thinking about her. Before I asked her to marry me, I prayed to make sure what I was about to do was right. I had prayed before but did not receive an answer. I preceded until apprehended. I was never apprehended. I know that He put us into each others paths. As I type this out, the thought came to mind of "start praying for strength for yourself and look for the positives instead of looking at the negatives." So a positive: She drove all over trying to get the kids customs for Halloween. And when she came home, she was so excited that she had found them for them. The kids faces lite up! They were so excited that they could not go to sleep last night.

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[100]
Oct 31

I am glad you are having some great times family normal times. It is best to talk to the kids when things are calm so you can explain your wife's illness when you are calm and not flustered. I am especially glad that you are taking care of your own emotional health and setting boundaries. Yes I can feel what your wife is going through but I am not blind I know it hurts the kids and my husband sometimes. This is why I try so hard to stay on my meds and get better. No you should not have to put up with abuse or guilt trips that is not PTSD but being selfish. Yes I push my husband away sometimes but that is because i feel panicked and need to be alone. Have I ever said mean things yes most likely but PTSD is basically being afraid of things and lashing out if someone gets too close or we feel the need to defend ourselves. The talk of suicide is either her trying to get attention which is mentally abusive or she is serious and needs to be in the hospital. There is no gray area. NO ONE should live with that hanging over their heads especially your children. I am sorry if it sounds like I am bashing your wife and maybe I am a little. I just don't believe that having PTSD is an excuse to be abusive all the time. Maybe as you mentioned her mother has a mental health diagnoses is it possible that your wife may have it to? Was this traumatic event a one time occurrence or was it a gradual thing (traumatic events over a period of time)?

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[165]
Nov 1

@mandyblue My wife's mother was like this all her child life that she can remember. Her mom, we think has BPD that is untreated. Her mom did a lot of mental abuse to her. She has no self esteem. Ex: her mom would buy her pants to small and then when my wife would say they are too small, "Mom" would tell her just lose a little weight and they will fit. She would not let her cut her hair but would not do anything with it. so at school she was made fun of. She cut her own hair and her mom made fun of her and told her since she cut it, you get to live with it. Then there was the physical abuse that happened. She told a family member and they told her not to tell anyone as "we don't talk about these kind of things" and then there was the having men over when her dad was on deployment, work, out of the house and doing grown up things with her in the room next door hearing it. Then there was her mom holding a gun to her head telling her that she will kill herself in the bathroom so that she doesn't have to clean up the mess. She can just wash it down the drain. Mother of the year mailed me a my kids a Christmas box but left out any presents for my wife for 5 years in a row. The only time Mother of the year comes around is when she needs something from us or when she wants to look good in front of her friends. So we don't let her come around. It has been over two years since she has come to my house.
I think that there is more to my wife then just PTSD but I do not know if the therapist is just treating her with PTSD or if that is all that she has told her because she knows my wife fears being like her mom and so she has left the rest out( not told her). I don't know. That is where a game plan would be so nice to know. I think my wife was very much mentally abused and so it is a blind spot for her that she cannot see. It has never been this bad until after her grandparents passed. Before, it would flare up now and then, I thought it was me just learning to be a husband.
to be positive though, she has made some strides from when she first started going to therapist. I am standing up more and not just laying down to make her happy.

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