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My husband of over 20 yrs has recently admitted to having PT

[240]

My husband of over 20 yrs has recently admitted to having PTSD and severe depression. To add to it, he says he no longer loves me and wants a divorce. He's currently getting treatment and on meds and I see some positive changes in his mentality. Is there anyone out there that has gone through this, wanting to end their marriage especially, so I can try to understand.. If this is the way he truly feels, I am not going to try to change his mind. Anybody?

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[180]
Jan 12

over20 I wrote a response to aong about some of the same issues. When someone has PTSD they can't really "feel anything". For me it was a feeling of isolation. The paranoia, mood swings, and personality changes made me want to give up. I couldn't understand why people either avoided me or were afraid to be around me. My wife of 33 years stuck with me and didn't let me go. I don't know your husband, but if he is anything like me, you may be the only thing he has to hang on to, even if he can't show it. I had problems with some of the medications that actually made me worse. His counselor may want to involve you an a session at some point. I know I said a lot of stupid things I didn't mean whill I was recovering. If you are safe being with him, hang in there and give it some time. If you feel threatened, do what you have to to protect yourself. Ultimately you will have to decide what is right for you in the situation. My wife decided to stick with me and she saved my life. Be safe.

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[240]
Jan 14

@1less Thank you. It's very difficult. I told him his support is right here (his family, his wife) but he's very adamant. Since he opened up about PTSD, he's opened up about his mental and physical abuse as a child. This is something he's never shared. He's been diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder. We are a military family and are currently stationed in another country. He's going to the states to get further treatment so Im not there to go to any counseling with him. Yet?? Im at a loss. It's affecting me and the family and he doesn't seem to mind.

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[180]
Jan 14

over20 That is so hard. I think that it would be much easier if you and his family had an active role in his recovery. Can you at least be in contact with whoever is providing treatment? I was also diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder by my regular Dr. He prescribed some medication and referred me to a counselor. The counselor did an assessment and confirmed that I had complex PTSD. I'm not sure, but I think that PTSD is a specific diagnosis under the Major Depression Disorder umbrella (for lack of a better term. You and your family need to get help as well. PTSD effects everyone in the family. I remember when I was finally able to open up to my wife and have a real conversation. I had tried to "protect her" from discussing what I had experienced and been exposed to. Some of it, I still can't share with her, but I sat down and wrote the major things that changed my life and caused the PTSD. I thought I was immune for a while because I spent years jumping in to and volunteering for the worst things that no one else wanted to do without causing any emotional damage to myself. Then I ran into a situation that I couldn't detach myself from. After that, every similar incident triggered an emotional shutdown and a period of re-living all of the previous incidents that lasted between a few minutes to days. I tried to control those flashbacks by avoiding areas where those incidents occurred and unintentionally I detached from my family. They thought I was pushing them away, and I thought I was protecting them from what I had become. After about 2 months of medication and a month of counseling I began to "feel" emotions again. It was hard because I had to go back through those incidents and every painful detail in depth with my counselor. I also sat down with my wife and kids and tried to explain to them what PTSD was and I apologized for any emotional pain I had caused. It didn't immediately change the years of emotions that I didn't understand or react to at the time, but it is turning around for us. If your husband hasn't said that he doesn't care about the effects he has had on your family, he probably has no way to express his emotions. My wife described some of the things that I had done and said that hurt her the most. I didn't even remember saying or doing those things. PTSD took away my normal personality and changed it to something else. I refer to it as the "monster inside". Your husband may be different, but most of the other people I know with PTSD have alienated their family and friends before they had a chance to realize / admit that they had a problem and start recovery. It takes a lot of commitment and Love to get a family member through this process. I can't imagine what would have happened if my wife hadn't stepped in and "guided me into this process. It's hard to argue with; "Honey, I love you and you might not understand this, but we need you to get some help." I didn't.

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