I've been married for 22 yrs and my husband has just recentl

[250]

I've been married for 22 yrs and my husband has just recently opened up about his PTSD (he's in the military and has had an abusive childhood). I am looking for support for PTSD family members. Along with his opening up, he also wants a divorce and is doing everything to get it. Is there anyone out there in the same situation? We currently live in Japan so there aren't any PTSD resources here and we are in the midst of getting orders back to the states specifically for my husband. I have willingly chose to stay in Japan so our youngest son can finish his school year. Meanwhile, my husband is headed to the states, to Wounded Warrior for an 8 wk treatment, and will be looking for a lawyer.

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[7465]
Jan 15

I feel very sorry for what you are going through, it sounds exceptionally hard.

Your husband is also going through a very difficult emotional time, which is effecting both you and your children.

If i were you i would tell your husband that he cannot file for divorce because he has a responsibility towards his children and you that he cannot simply abandon as he pleases. Tell him to go back to the united states, tell him to find a psychiatrist, and get help. tell him to read the following books.

It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion

https://www.amazon.com/Wasnt-Your-Fault-Childhood-Self-Compassion/dp/1626250995/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1516007801&sr=1-1&keywords=it%27s+not+your+fault

Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character

https://www.amazon.com/Achilles-Vietnam-Combat-Undoing-Character/dp/0684813211/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1516007724&sr=1-7&keywords=veteran+trauma

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1516007841&sr=1-3&keywords=trauma

I would refuse divorce, if you haven't done anything wrong that justifies a divorce (unless there were marital issues you haven't spoken about), then the problem is not with you, but with the trauma and abuse he suffered in the past. It's not allowed to just abandon your children and wife on that basis.

And I feel you should suggest marital counselling before the two of you would go in a divorce, basically where both of you would be stating what you feel is going wrong in the marriage, and what could be done to restore those things (because you have children that rely on having a father).

I think it's really 'not done' to just file for divorce, you should really point out the responsibility he has towards his children and you. And that he should really give it one more try in marital counselling before he throws in the towel just like that.

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