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(includes sexual and emotional abuse) Hi, I'm Sam. I'm 15 y

(includes sexual and emotional abuse)
Hi, I'm Sam. I'm 15 years old and have depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and was diagnosed with PTSD in march. When I was 14, I entered a relationship with an 18 year old (typical stupid freshman). I trusted him very much, he was the first person who understood me and he helped me go to therapy and get onto medicine. As the relationship went on, it got extremely toxic. He cheated on me almost every other week, take his anger out on me and then say how he loves me, called me cray and a dumb b!tch, and say that i deserved all my mental problems. It got to the point where one time he was mad and talking about hitting a wall and I told him to hit me instead because he loves me and that i will support him. I got extremely used to all of this and it became my normal. He made me cut off friends that I still haven't gotten back. When we would do some sexual things, he would go on top and pin my arms and legs down so I couldn't move, although one time I did manage to knee him. When he wanted oral, he would push my head down and I would try to push back but I was never strong enough. Same goes for whenever he decided to slide his hand down my pants, I was too weak to get him away. There was a lot worse things but I don't want to disturb anyone. I was stuck in this relationship for 10 months but it took me another 2 months to finally cut him off. I'm now dating my best friend and am extremely happy and safe with him. In march, I started having freak out episodes which would include me screaming about how my ex was in my head and i could hear him talking to me, I missed a lot of school because of that. My shoulders began to feel heavy as if they were being held down once more. Sometimes I see him when I'm at work and each time I was hysterical crying while my boss was calming me down but I just kept screaming about how he was so close to me (he was a good 150ft away). I was getting better during late April to mid May but now everything has come crashing down again. He has started showing up at my job more, joined my gym, and drives past my house every day. I don't feel safe to go anywhere because he might attack me again. However I still always feel the need to see him. When I do see him, it validates that the situation is real and that I'm not going crazy. I just can't do it anymore and it's taking a really big toll on my current relationship, I can't go anywhere without being terrified. please help! :(

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Round3's picture
Jun 13

Have you told your parents about the troubles you are having. You need to. Or, take yourself to a clinic and ask to see doctor. For one, you need to make sure you are physically ok. As for a mental health referral so you can get support and possibly meds and treatment. If you have ptsd it's not going to go away on it's own and is only going to get worse if left untreated.

Jun 13

Hi Sam. Wow. That's an awful lot for a teen to deal with. If you are diagnosed with anything then u likely have a therapist
I totally agree with everything Round3 wrote. I would add that u can go to the authorities and get a restraining order against your ex! His controlling abusive and isolating treatment of u are red flags. Be sure not to ever be alone with him. Do not talk or fight with him anywhere-including text or social media. You don't want to inflame him or make anything worse...
Also--document the entire relationship (even retroactively) AND all he is doing after the breakup....that way if there is anything further u will have everything documented. If u have any witnesses..that will help.
You will get thru this.


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