I wish I was could just die right now and not upset a whole

[225]

I wish I was could just die right now and not upset a whole bunch of people in the process. Right now, the only reason I'm living is because of other people. There isn't a single reason why I want to be alive. I have PTSD thanks to that sub-human parasite who claimed to be my stepdad. I tried to get help and applied for Social Security Disability, but they turned me down. Not once, not twice, but four times. Now I'm out of appeals and I receive this news around Christmas after fighting for three years. Now I have to find work, because I can't afford not to, but I can't leave the house or talk to people without becoming so panicked I think that I'm going to die right then and there. It's like drowning without the water. I can't afford therapy, or to continue my transition (I'm transgender), and I can't even kill myself because I care too much about how it would hurt other people. Now I can't sleep, I'm stress eating like crazy, I'm snapping at everyone around me, I have a panic attack at least once a day now and everyone is still relying on me as if I can do anything. So let me take this moment to say f*** my life, f*** the courts, f*** this country, f*** my a**hole stepdad, f*** my mom who chose him over me, and someone please f***ing kill me already.

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[135]
Jan 14

Stop it! You are loved, you are good and your are worthy! Please do not harm yourself. Life is just too short anyway, you can do this. There are days I would like to sit inside a dark closet, but I can't. Stand tall and be yourself! Choose something you enjoy.

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