I have been struggling with rumination of past events and in

I have been struggling with rumination of past events and interactions that lead to overwhelming feelings of shame and anger. These can seriously disrupt my mood and lead to weird physical and verbal outbursts that would make me look crazy if seen by others. A thing I have realised is that the problems in my life won’t get better whilst I am not at peace with these issues and I have no idea how to come to peace with them. One of the difficult things is some of them are family related. My family are not good people and distance from them is good. Sadly I am still currently more dependent on them than I would like. Although that could be me biting the bullet to my own detriment. My family are toxic and not good people and certainly not to be trusted. I’m not stupid. I assume trauma is not easily overcome, but I need to or at least get some level of management. At the moment I read self-help, understand the concepts but can never apply. As with all my issues I have good condensed self-help noted that never go anywhere. I wonder if there is some self-sabotage at play.

I have a good opportunity with a job I am starting. With an internationally recognised qualification which could see me relocate and have a fresh start. But I worry about getting through due to all my issues compounding. Feels like I am a backseat passenger in my life and not in control.