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I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I

KangarooRat's picture
[4560]

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but
I don't feel like I can do anything. I get pumped up to do something, but when I sit down to it, my brains drips out. Everything hurts. I tried reading Stein for school last night, and I sobbed the entire time. I didn't retain anything.
I want to do this essay. I feel so much guilt. But it seems so impossible.
I didn't go to classes yesterday or today. I feel awful about that.
Mostly because I feel like my feelings aren't real. I feel like I'm faking it. I faked my breakdown this weekend. I don't think I really experienced trauma. You don't need recovery time from something you faked.
I'm not taking care of myself because I don't believe myself. Instead, I am just failing at everything because I can't do it.
I just don't know what to do.

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KangarooRat's picture
[4560]
Oct 9

@Lassie Thank you for your reply. It started this weekend after a therapy session. It was the second time I've talked about my "trauma" in 4 years.
I have written some poetry and I've been posting on here. But, unfortunately, I can't get rid of the doubt and disbelief. It just doesn't feel real. Nothing does.
But thank you for replying.

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[70]
Oct 9

Maybe finding someone who has gone through what you have and are going through now. Talking to someone who know what you are going through vs talking to someone who is only trained but has no personal experience. I hate hearing, “I know what you are going through!” No, unless you’ve been through what I have, you have no idea.

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[2020]
Oct 10

Stress is hard on the body and if you are dealing w a trauma on top of studies, it can be overload. Stress depletes your body of Magnesium and many are low in it. Taking that and ginseng calms the mind body and spirit and get rid of sticky negative thoughts that loop around and disable you. Also, counseling is important, if you can't afford it, many churches offer if free. Also, B Complex is great for focus and memory. Also, getting away from grains can help clear the head and get rid of pain and inflammation. Get outside, lay on grass, breathe deep, these will help you too. Blessings.

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