He said I take the lead this time. I argued, that was my pos

[30]

He said, Ill take the lead this time. I argued, that was my position. Of course orders have to be taken. Moments later he was dead. Shoulda been me.

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[34560]
Jan 13

@thughes i know what you mean by it's hard to grasp, and no matter how many times that you review each second of that day, only questions remains, i have my share of that kind of days, except that it doesn't involve no other life but mine and frankly, i can only imagine how you feel and the guilt that you carry. I know there is nothing fair in what happened but that day you did what you had to do, you protected the lives of others, you followed your orders and had no idea that it was gonna happen, yes it was a possibility but not a certainty. I know it's gonna sound weird and i don't mean no disrespect by asking that but did you ever talk with his family about how you feel? I'm asking that bc I doubt they would blame you for his death and let out that guilt and knowing that they do not blame you may put you a little at ease or so i hope. PTSD is a b****, there's no doubt about that, keeping the wounds open and suppurating no matter what day it is. Do you see a therapist?

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[30]
Jan 13

no, i dont see anyone. i used to take some meds to get me lined out. i only try talking to guys i served with. i havent talked to my friends family. his dad passed and i dont know where his mom lives. he doesnt have any other family.

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[34560]
Jan 14

@thughes did you ever tried a live support group? I know it's hard to find people that really can relate to what you've been through and the isolation of not being understood is smothering, people are so quick to tell you to get over it that in the end you just don't wanna talk to no one about it, i still wonder how that would feel to face someone that actually can relate to my own issues but maybe through the VA you might find it. Are the guys you served with receptive? Did the VA is of any help and if not can you get help from a civilian trauma therapist?

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