I left home really young, I had to. It got messy, I tried ta

I left home really young, I had to. It got messy, I tried talking to someone about it and it only made things worse for me. I couldn't turn back and was placed by the state into a group home when I was 14. One of the men that worked nights pined me down and had an erection one day when we were doing something that's kind of fuzzy for me to remember. I ran away a week later. That's how I started living on my own at 14, though in truth I was always on my own even before that. I had protection from my boyfriend who was older, except that he made me do sexual things with him and it traumatized me. I said no and he just did what he wanted but somehow I didn't see him as being a bad person back then. In attempt to be somewhere else I ran away from him when I was 15, made it three states over even. I was brutalized my first night on those streets. Then for protection I decided to make my way back to the boyfriend. I was hurt, covered in marks and small cuts. I almost made it back to the boyfriend but I stayed a few nights just on the border of another state. That's when the next man abused my 15 yo self. I wonder if most people know how monstrous humans are? how many grown men will see a 15 year old girl and lust for her and then not bother to ask for consent. How many men would do that? If you lined up 20 grown men and promised they wouldn't get caught how many would hurt a girl. Was it my fault because I developed so young..... but my face was still a child's face. that little tour cost me a lot I think some part of me died.

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Feb 20, 2017

That's a lot to deal with at such a young age. If you mind me asking how old are you now?
You mentioned having a hard time talking about all this and it not going so well.
That can be tough. Have you found a different way how
to handle all this? I hope you have or
you do find a good group of people you can trust in.
Praying things get better for you.

dancingnut's picture
Feb 20, 2017

@Love4menow I'm 29 now, I didn't really start dealing with the memories until my mid 20's I felt nothing until one day I felt everything. I don't have people to talk to. I make friends but never really stay friends with anyone. No one ever really knows me even thought they will tell me every detail of themselves. Ive tried counseling once in my adult life but it made me discouraged. She couldn't handle the depth of it and I found myself censoring how much I would say to protect her. Or using humor to make her feel more at ease. Her face would tell too much and I felt bad for her discomfort. I almost need someone completely cold and logical but I don't know if that person exists.

LovePeace's picture
Feb 22, 2017

Sorry u went thru this and yes I do know all too well how monstrous humans can be


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