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After 5 days with my family for our reunion we returned to m

After 5 days with my family for our reunion we returned to my wife's parents house where we live. Within the hour my wife looked like she was going to cry I asked her what was up and she said she felt grief. My mother in law was ranting about how we need to talk about responsibilities and who spilled a glass of water (no one did, a table cloth got wet from condensation on a glass). I thought about the panicked way I cleaned up any spilled water at the reunion because I thought someone would yell at me and recognized that living there was conditioning me for high stress so I left, moved out, don't live there. Still committed to my wife, just can't live with her abusive parents anymore. My wife is furious, she starts first day of work tommorow, a huge step for her and this is emotionally destabilizing for her. I thought about staying but I knew it would be too convenient to keep staying and that this was my chance, while the memory of being somwe here we don't have to have a family talk because I didn't get the mail before 5 pm was fresh in my mind. I have no money, my car is breaking down, I am incredibly emotionally fragile, still learning how to care for my 3 year old without leaning hard on my wife. My hair is shaggy, I've gained 50 lbs this year, I struggle with suicidal impulses, I have no job and my resume looks like ****. Everything is scary my stomach is in knots. But there is a weight off my shoulders. I know this is the right decision

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Aug 8

Staying at my gma's short term my son is with me. My wife had a hard time leaving her parents because a lot of her trauma occurred shortly after she left home. I'm not sure when and if she will be ready to leave. No idea what's gonna happen just need to trust the process and do the work that's in front of me

ajmommy002's picture
Aug 8

Wow, that a huge step. I can imagine that being without a plan is very scary but it sounds like you really needed to do this. So, how do you get on your feet to help yourself and your family out? I'd start putting in applications anywhere and everywhere...doesn't matter what the job is right now...think of it as a stepping block. And try and be there for your wife. Try and be empathetic as much as possible but stand your ground where it's needed.


Hi monikar,
I am sorry as well for what you and your family are going through. Sometimes even if we have so many problems we can deal with them with the help of friends and relatives. But when our own flesh and blood is the source of anxiety and everyday problems, it becomes even tougher. It seems to me that your best solution might be to get a job of some kind.

Please dont be offended, but if you gained 50 lbs this year, it will help you a lot to lose it again. I know that this is one of the hardest things to do but take it as a personal challenge and do it for your family as well. Stress can tempt people to grab the chips, soda, and other junk food. If this has happened to you (it happened to me), consider cutting back, drinking more water, eating more fruits and vegetables, and if you cannot do any exercise take long walks. When I lost my job I was advised to keep fit, get up early in the morning, shave, take a shower, even if I was going to be at home all day. It helped my self esteem and image and kept me from getting into a couch potato habit. I stayed away from tv. There was no social media then but I would minimize it a lot if there was. I went to the library, read, borrowed books and magazines as well as for my son.

I guarded my health and I felt more confident and more motivated not only while at home but while looking for a job, especially when doing interviews. Even if you think your resume doesnt look good, there is always a chance that someone will take a risk and offer you a job when they see a reasonably confident person. People (not all, of course) are naturally biased and may judge you based on your image. I am not saying that it is right but it is what it is. They would want to hire someone who they think is reliable and can do the job. But I would start looking for a job just as ajmommy002 advised while working on my health. When things turn around maybe it will lessen your suicidal impulses as well. I just hope this somehow helps in any way.

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