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hello guys, first of all sorry for my english. I need help,

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hello guys, first of all sorry for my english. I need help, I need certainty. A week ago all of sudden a thought came and I asked myself "Am I gay?" I paniced, told myself I dont want to be gay. I dont want to be with guys. Since than, Im fighting,arguin with my mind 24/7. That **** is in my head always. I keep telling myself Im not gay, I cant be. I had anxiety at first. Watched nude photos of man and woman, lesbian porn and ALMOST gay porn, I couldnt start it. I feared that I may actually like it, so I dont watched it. Went online to find out whats happening with me. Googled about gays, " Can I became suddenly gay?" " Can a 22 yeard old guy find out he is gay?" When a guy first know he is gay?" etc. I found informations that I can be gay, my anxiety was even stronger. Started to watch only lesbian porn and masturbate to it, even if I dont like it, I liked to watch straight porn. Than found out about HOCD, read its symtoms and everything and the anxiety went away. In just 1 or 2 days. I dont remember it correctly. I felt better, but the voices in my head still remained. " I cant be gay".. I believe I have HOCD, I always liked girls, even cried because of girls. Now how suddenly I can become gay? thats doesnt make sense. Stopped watching porns, I read that can help. I started to see the toughts as symptoms.
But now I suddenly start to doubt that I have HOCD, my mind keeps telling me you dont have HOCD, you are gay. I dont even have anxiety anymore, so it must be evidence, Im afraid. So in the 5th day, I went online again to google about gays. Wanted to know that I can be gay, again. When found articles that someone became gay when he was 20 years old than I had anxiety again. I googled HOCD again, symptoms to make myself feel better. The anxiety went away immediately as I read about symptoms. I just want to believe I have HOCD and Im not gay.
Im chasing answers, I want certainty. I write about my sytuation on multiple forums to get answers. Im chasing certainty. I want to know who Im attracted, boys or girls.

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norseduncan's picture
[155895]
Apr 15

if you aren't attracted to guys, you are not gay. simple as that. HOCD is a likely explanation

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