Newest Blog is out, Silence is Golden!!! A part 2 from last week's topic!
Make sure to click READ MORE to see the full article. -SG or click BLOG on the GREEN menu bar

Hi everyone. I just joined this group today, because I'm rea

Hi everyone. I just joined this group today, because I'm really struggling with my body image and mental and physical health. I have been steadily gaining weight the past 10 years, and I'm getting to where I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I hate myself for getting so fat and weak. I was always underweight, to the point that people would always comment on how thin and pretty I was. I could fit in anything and look good, and now, after gaining 50 lbs, I cannot fit into any of my old clothes, and I'm ordering clothes that are bigger and bigger.
I come from a family of anorexic and bulimic women, and I have always been proud that the eating disorders seem to have skipped me. The truth is that now that I'm overweight, I'm seeing how I've internalized all these hateful comments I heard my whole life about fat people. Sure, it was easy for me not to have an eating disorder when I was already thin, but now that I'm fat I feel so ugly, so depressed, so lazy, so out of touch with myself.
I'm trying not to cry sharing this. It's kind of disgusting that I'm on here having a pity party, but I just don't know how to handle this. It's easy to just say "eat healthier!" and "get off your *** and exercise!" but I just can't seem to do it. I don't eat much. I just snack, and I make a point to eat some fruits and vegetables. I don't work out enough. I maybe make it to the gym once a week. I'm so depressed about it. I can't stand it anymore. I'm trying to take more walks, but it's especially hard when it's so cold outside. I don't know; I can find one million excuses not to exercise. It's so strange because I used to be so athletic, but once I moved away and started grad school I lost all my old friends I would climb and work out with, and I have been depressed, and I'm losing hope.
My boyfriend is seriously the most attractive man I have ever seen, and people are always telling me how handsome and fit he is. It makes me feel even more insecure, because I don't feel like I deserve him. Back when I was so thin and young and pretty, I think we would have made a good pair, but because this is my body now--my fat, pregnant-looking body, I'm ashamed. Thankfully, he seems to think I'm gorgeous, but I feel like I'm getting uglier every day, and I don't want to totally lose control and eventually lose him as well.
I don't want to lose myself. I already have shoddy self-esteem, and as I gain more and more weight, I cannot even stand to look in the mirror, and I hate getting dressed.
Basically, if you've been nice enough to read all of this, thank you. And I guess I'm looking for a friend who will hear me out and understand what I'm going through without telling me lies like "no, you're not fat!" just to appease me and make me shut up.

show more ⇓
View 2 More Comments
Jan 29

I have struggled with my weight all my life. So tired of it. I so envy people who never had food issues. Its crazy that the very thing we need to survive, we fight everyday. I am obsessed with not gaining weight, and like you, i see the slow creep over the years. Its like holding back the tide. I have already cut carbs and sugar, i count calories, i exercise. I dont do anything crazy, i just try to eat healthy and in moderation and still its a constant struggle because food is on my mind all day. What im eating, how much i get to eat, what i cant eat. Its more of a mental problem at this point. I just wish it wasnt such a looming issue everyday. Theres never been a day in my life I haven’t dealt with food. When i read your story about gaining 50 pounds i know how easy that can happen over time. I get so discouraged when i feel like im doing everything right and the best i can and it still creeps up. Yet i know i cant possibly give up because it can actually get worse than how i feel today. And this has nothing to do with society or culture. This is how i feel within me, about me. I want to feel healthy and good about myself. I want to fit in my clothes. I want to feel self-confident and have good self-esteem. When i gain weight i dont feel any of that. So another day, of another obsession, of another holding back the tide. Its just the way it is.

show more ⇓

Thank you for your response MyName. I relate to what you are saying. It's really sad how this struggle to stop gaining weight takes joy from our lives, restricting us and affecting our self esteem. I completely understand when you say it's a "looming issue."

Feb 20

Your first paragraph pretty much summed up my life. From the time I was a teenager I believed I was fat, even though I was underweight until eventually I actually became fat... like it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just goes to show the power of our beliefs and self-talk. So sad to think about all the years I lost like that, when I should've been happy & satisfied.

It's fine to not like exercising. There's nothing wrong with that. Just don't wait until you feel like it, take more romantic walks with your guy, play a sport together. And don't for a second feel like you don't deserve him; he wouldn't be with you if he thought that, so you shouldn't either.

Be strong and push through... unleash your inner supermodel once again ;)
You can do it! xx


Login or Register

You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user.

Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by

registering or logging into your account