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I haven't been on in forever. I just turned to my xbox for c

xXBeautifully-CorrodedXx's picture

I haven't been on in forever. I just turned to my xbox for comfort.

Right now I am in Colorado for a vacation and we were about to go horseback riding. But I was worried about my weight on the horse so I asked if they would possibly have a horse to carry my weight. They unfortunately didn't, and I had to do my walk of shame back to the car and my aunt took me to her house.

Everyone kept saying that they wished I could go. I hated hearing it honestly. I felt like it called attention to my size even more. My aunt said it on the way home to her house and all I could say was that it was my fault. Because it is. It's my fault that I am as heavy as I am.

But now I don't know what to do. I'm trying not to think about the disappointment and embarrassment and sadness and all this other crap I feel, but I don't know what to do besides that.

I'm so angry at myself that I wish I could cut myself but what's that going to do except hurt me, and temporarily feel good... I am contemplating whether or not I should skip eating for the rest of the trip.

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xXBeautifully-CorrodedXx's picture
Jun 18, 2017

Thank you everyone. I am feeling better now after that incident and your comments really help add to me feeling better. Thank you so much.

WilliamAndersonLMHC's picture
Jun 19, 2017

@xXBeautifully-CorrodedXx - Don't forget that the urge to express or relieve the pressure is a good thing. We need to. You are getting the message that something important needs to be done. When you learn ways to reduce the pressure and relieve it in a healthy way when it happens, it will be a lot different.

grey_waters's picture
Jun 19, 2017

I actually think it was very nice of you to be concerned about the horse.


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