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It’s been almost 4 weeks since I went through my miscarria

It’s been almost 4 weeks since I went through my miscarriage. And every day feels like its just happened yesterday. I’m so emotional and angry and I keep finding myself wanting to argue with my husband over random things just so I can build up enough anger to have a good cry.

I found out I was pregnant with my first child very early on, I had my appointment at six weeks to confirm the heartbeat. Right after that appointment I noticed some darker bleeding. Immediately I called my OB/GYN to let her know and she just brushed it off and said don’t worry and don’t call back unless it’s really heavy and bright red. I continued to have this Bleeding for almost a week and a half getting heavier and heavier but the color staying dark red. Out of worry, I went to the emergency room and they checked me in as threatened miscarriage. I was there for about four hours and they ran a bunch of tests and did some ultrasounds but came back with saying everything looked fine and normal and they had no idea where the bleeding was coming from. Two Days after that I noticed bright red blood. And a lot of it along with what seemed like clumpy tissue. Immediately alarmed, I went right back to the emergency room. They remembered me from two nights ago and so they didn’t pay much mind to me telling me I’m probably fine. They ran the same tests and came back with the same conclusion that everything was normal and fine. I get home later that night very unsettled with my thoughts. I attempted to fall asleep and two hours later I woke up with the most painful cramps I have ever felt. I ran to the bathroom and was bleeding so much until it came out. I couldn’t move off of the toilet, the tears, the agony, the pain was flowing heavily and I was frozen in place for about 2 hours.

My mom is currently living out of the country and hasn’t been able to come and see me due to the Covid travel restrictions. It makes it worse that I can’t have her next to me and have some support and an outlet for all my emotions.

There is so much frustration because I knew there was something not right but no matter how many tests were ran on me and my baby, no doctor could see what was wrong. I’m also frustrated because no matter what, all I want to do is cry.

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[33030]
Oct 18

I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences on your miscarriage. I think you have so much to grieve. Many many people who miscarry feel the loss as strongly as if it were the death of someone they've known for years. So I think crying a lot is certainly appropriate. It's only been 4 weeks ago - so there are still many tears inside you waiting to get out. Please cry as much as you need to! It'll help you heal.
Secondly, it is horrible how the doctors treated you. They sound heartless and incompetent. You knew better than them, and they didn't take you seriously. That is so maddening. And now your baby is dead, and none of it is your fault. No wonder you are so angry.

I can understand wanting to pick fights with your husband just so you can get out the tears. But I guess you already know that that will just make the relationship with him worse. May I make a suggestion? Can you talk to him about the miscarriage experience and cry while you do it? Or if not, do you have a friend you trust who you could do that with? Or write more about it here, and cry as you write it. Or you may want to see a therapist, or join a zoom miscarriage support group.

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