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I am back in insane stressful purgatory, essentially house a

Mick77's picture
[1575]

I am back in insane stressful purgatory, essentially house arrest where I can never leave. The stbx starts her job again, after agreeing to stay home in the summer, on Monday. I will again be working full time and caring for the kids at the same time while she sits at a school desk with literally nothing to do for hours a day. I’m pretty sure this position pays more than her current spot but she tells me it’s the same pay. I can’t modify the agreement and still have to suffer monetarily while she is making out like crazy with money. I’m really starting to unravel here and it’s not good. Today is Saturday I have errands I need to accomplish I got about 3/5 of the big things done but there’s always a time crunch. Now I have to stay home with the baby while everyone goes to different parties, she plans on being out at least 7 hours and I can’t take the kids into stores. I try so hard to do the right thing but I am so fed up being taken advantage of like this and just being trampled on over and over again for literally nothing. I literally should’ve cheated on this monster when I had the chance so at least I would know this is some form of cosmic punishment. Instead she is living carefree and happy and I have to sit here like a prisoner day in and day out and even on weekends, I wouldn’t wish this hell on my worst enemy.

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[340]
Aug 4

@Mick77 I told my wife that I just want a clean break. She asked what that meant. I said that I wish I would never see her again. I truly mean it. I was all in and it brings me nothing but pain to see her. She was surprised as I think she’s comfortable for me providing for her Indefinitely and I’m supposed to be happy about it. Please let me move on. Break the chains.

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Kyleah's picture
[8250]
Aug 4

@Mick77 Its interesting that initially I thought my husband and I could be friendly. But, as I watched him just continue on with his gross behaviors and make no efforts to be a better person, that notion went out the window. I just want him gone. We'll communicate on necessities, but that is it. He now understands that and stops trying to make friendly banter. But, there are a couple of areas I need to work on.

I still am an open book with EVERYONE about what he did. That includes his family. Yep, I don't hold back on letting people know he cheated for 6 years, had sex in cars, hotels, in our house. I tell people he's doing it again. I tell people that our daughter tried to seriously harm herself when she found out what her dad was doing and he has done nothing at all to address it with her. I know to move on I need to let this go. Badmouthing him is providing me comfort right now, but it will get tiresome and I'll ultimately drive these people away.

I need to get over him being a gross human and recognize that I can't protect my kids. I feel so guilty/angry that I couldn't protect my oldest daughter from seeing what her dad was doing. She knows not to snoop anymore, because she already knows what she'll find. But, i'm worried about my youngest. Its just a matter of time before she recognizes what her dad is doing and snoops. What will she see? How will she react?

I know I'm not ready to date yet, but the thought of just going and having fun with someone new is really enticing. Right now I come off as desperate which is an awful feeling. And, how in the world do I ever share my whole self with someone new without ultimately sharing what I've gone through and what I was with. I am embarrassed to eventually have to share that part of my history. Hoping for a better week. Definitely have an earful to talk with my counselor about Thursday.

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Mick77's picture
[1575]
Aug 5

@Kyleah I get it completely and can sort of relate to a good portion of this. My stbx said she wanted to be friends after all of this but I have enough friends in my life and the person she became is the kind of vapid phony I avoid. She is all about opportunity and just wants me to be a reserve for all her upcoming problems. I don’t exist to serve her and I just want her gone too. She is not kind she is opportunistic and yeah she just walked out the door for her 830 job at 740 and it’s a 10-15 minute drive lol. Bye, I’ll be fine with the kids and dealing with my job because I’ve been dealing with this since mid March.

I honestly feel really bad for what your daughter has had to deal with. No kid should be subject to that and he should have enough animalistic control to keep his adult garbage away from his daughter, that whole part of your situation is just beyond awful and I feel for you having to deal with that essentially alone within the family dynamic. I hope he can come to his senses and realize how precious his kids are and keep his pervert life separate from them.

I thought the same thing about dating and it really was. Nervous and exciting and fun. But I learned a few things, 1-don’t trust pictures lol. I snapped a few of myself, here I am but apparently other people how shall I say, modify them? But that’s ok because I’m not all about the physical it’s just one element of the total package, I need realness I need an attractive mind to go along with it. I’m sure you wouldn’t come off as desperate you seem totally secure here and although I also learned 2- talking online doesn’t equal talking in person, I don’t differentiate. I guess I’m weird, what I write here is what I say in person, but apparently not everyone is like that and that was kind of shocking to me.

Similarly I was terrified of sharing this chaos so I kept it completely separate and brought it up as little as possible; until date #3 which was a convoluted mess of me and her having what I thought was a great night while the stbx pushed our house showings up to that night. So I had to drive the kids 3 hours to a relative’s families place, then drive 3 hours to my date, then field a 3way conference with the realtor and stbx in front of my date when none of it was originally scheduled for that night.

Yeah, maybe too soon for me lol.

But I think in time we’ll be able to share condensed yet truthful versions of our messes with other people I think Eddie here and others have it right when they say we need time for ourselves first, away from the chaos to digest and grow and create space from the mess. At least I’m catching up on years of neglected Netflix and getting much better on guitar.

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