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I'm feeling really low... I disassociate when I'm under any

I'm feeling really low... I disassociate when I'm under any type of stress, anyone else out there do this? The abuse I survived is still affecting my life heavily today, and its been over 10 years. I still see my abuser often, he's a close family member. I disassociate with my husband all the time, and he thinks that I don't care enough to really listen. He "gets" what's happening but is still angry with me when it happens. Our sex life isn't great either, I never know how to say "now is not a good time". I always freeze up and just keep quiet. I don't know how to speak up and I don't know how to or what to do to help myself... So I'm here.

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 2
[1455]
Mar 26

Hi PreciousGem! I love your name btw! Have you ever sought out any counseling or sexual abuse recovery groups where you can safely process through your experiences and gain ideas on how to move forward after abuse? I can relate to your situation of having to see your family member still... I have the same situation, since it was my dad who is the abuser.
One of the very greatest "helps" I ever did early on in life was to see the messy, can't help myself type situation I was in and realize that it was above me and I cried out to God, my maker for help. I asked Him to solve my problems and come to my rescue. I'm not sure if you are a person of faith or not, but just being truly honest with you on the beginnings of help in digging myself out the pit of despair.
Additionally, I forgave. Not because he deserved it, but because it was my lifeline to not being stuck in the abuse any longer and being a victim. I forgave out of an act of obedience unto God and left the abusive past and my abuser up to almighty God to deal with, not my anger and frustration and self harm that could have resulted. It was a very long journey and one that took a lot of practice to accomplish. Over and over and over again, forgive, forgive, forgive and it got easier each time to move forward one step at a time to truly live life in the present not in the past. I pray this helps you some, I know there is HELP and there is HOPE for you. You are a Precious Gem worth fighting for my friend.

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[2575]
Mar 26

So sorry for the difficult situation. I agree with RoseyViolet, if you've not sought counseling, please consider doing that. A good starting place might be talkspace.com or a counselor referral network (https://bit.ly/2bYaQqv). It sounds like your husband may be more frustrated than angry. Frustrated that he may not know how to help you, how to approach you for intimacy, etc. Perhaps a calm conversation to discuss what you are comfortable with, or even a letter if it's hard to talk about. Maybe one thing could be to set a time for intimacy so it's not a surprise for you (which may be a trigger). Giving him some direction may help both of you enjoy that time more. A counselor can help you find good coping skills to work through the trauma. Prayers for peace, strength, and wisdom as you walk this path.

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