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NEW LIFE HACK IS UP!
NEW LIFE HACK IS UP!
NEW LIFE HACK IS UP!
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I am having a particularly rough time right now. I have been

I am having a particularly rough time right now. I have been being abused by my mother my entire life. It's not physical, thank god, but I view it as a unique form of mental/emotional abuse. My mom was a teen mom, she spent her entire senior year pregnant. Nothing against teen moms, but she was clearly not mature enough to have a child. Her and my dad split up shortly after I was born and she met who would soon be my brothers' father, however he got her hooked on drugs and I grew up in another state while she stayed back home. Eventually school started and, after my family consulting with a lawyer over custody and a near kidnapping case against my grandma, I had to go home and she was clean by then. Until my siblings were born I was very lonely, my mom wasn't a sociable woman and I had little friends and few things to do. I started kindergarten, and this is where everything starts.
One big thing was medical neglect. If there was something wrong with me I would not be taken to the doctor, I had an issue with one of my organs that I won't go too into detail about. The only care I got was surgery on my throat due to issues with breathing. All my life, though, she has mentally abused me. She has lied to me about events, and when I bring up "well the entire family says this and here's evidence it happened" I get screamed at, threatened, and guilt tripped. She will twist my words and use the words I never said against me and gets me in trouble. I can't to talk about life experiences because she tells me they never happened. She makes up stories about me to use against me. I am called ungrateful for not referring to her numerous boyfriends over time as my father. She places these men above her children. She has overtime broken down my mental health and has convinced me on numerous occasions that I have memory issues. I am treated like a POS while my brothers have never gotten any of the things listed above. I feel as if I grew up without a mother, like I was just an excuse for money that has now lost its purpose. I am still a minor. I'm succeeding greatly in school with an amazing girlfriend that does her best but that just doesn't get it. She doesn't care about my success, only guilt trips me for it. Saying that I rub it in and that I use it to justify why I think I'm better than everyone else. She has constantly told me I lack empathy and that I treat people terribly, which couldn't be farther from the truth. She has been jealous of the love I get from the rest of the family and I hear it from her and have been my whole life. I am only asking for tips on how to deal with this situation, as I can't get out of it right now. I get no support from my family due to the legal actions my mother threatens. She has gone so far as to threaten legal action against my girlfriends family and "burn their house down" if I try to leave. I just ask for coping mechanisms, tips on dealing with her, etc.

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[2180]
Feb 14

People in our lives teach us things about ourselves when we are children. The adults in our lives are supposed to encourage us and teach us about life, but that doesn't always happen. Sometimes the adults are still stuck in their own pain and misery and can not do what we need them to in our lives. They are not even able to do it for themselves. One thing that I have learned as an adult is how to have boundaries in my life. It tells other people what I will and will not accept in my life. For example, I want to be treated with respect so when someone talks to me disrespectfully, I will now say something like "If you continue to talk to me that way, then I will leave this conversation. We can try again later if you are willing to be respectful." That is hard to put into practice with a parent when you are still a minor because people who don't have boundaries tend to get angry when other people do.There is a book called Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud that has helped me to figure out how to place boundaries in my life. You probably could find it at a local library. Sometime people who constantly blame others can not look at themselves and see how they may have contributed to the situation. One technique that I have used when this happens is called gray rock. One doesn't let anything the other person does affect them. If the other person is angry and yelling, you remain calm and not emotionally drawn into the argument. If they are wanting a certain reaction out of you, you do the same thing. You can look it up on the internet, too. As far as your girlfriend is concerned, I would suggest you look at the relationship again. Why is she making you feel guilty when you succeed instead of celebrating your success with you? Why is she saying you think you are better than others? Why would she say things to tear your down instead of build you up? Why would she be jealous of you? People who genuinely care for others don't guilt them or tear them down, or be jealous of them. Is there a way where you can surround yourself with good friends who like you for who you are-maybe a book club, a church youth group, a choir, or any other group that you are interested in being a part of? Things can change and get better when you are able to make your own decisions in life. If you ever want to talk, I am on be boards often. I hope some of these suggestions helps or gives you other ideas of things to try.

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japanesefish's picture
[30]
Feb 14

@Avidreader9559 I worded it wrong, I meant that my mother is the one doing those things, sorry! But thank you, I will definitely remember your advice and take it into consideration, unforntuantely I am unable to join a group or anything like that but I do have friends I can reach out to. Thanks for the advice.

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[2180]
Feb 17

Okay. I am sorry for the misunderstanding. I hope you can find what you need to deal with all the stress.

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