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So d day for me was 4/3/18. At the time, I found out he had

[170]

So d day for me was 4/3/18. At the time, I found out he had been having an affair for about a year. I begged for the whole truth. Little did I know that it would come over time for over 18 months. After finding out so much more, I wanted to start fresh for the new decade. That's when I found out more truth. He had his 1st one night stand back in 1998. He had been cheating on me for 3 decades. Ouch!!! That hurt. He fessed up to a one night stand when our daughter was several months old. He expects me to believe that he didn't cheat again until 2018. He admitted to having a porn addiction and a masturbating addiction. We celebrated our 25th this year and now I find out he has been cheating all along but he now says he has stopped. I don't know how I will ever trust him again especially since I have been asking for the truth since d day and the only time I get more info is when I ask for it. This sucks!!!!! Any advice? Please help

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[170]
Jan 15

I am very confused. Yes, he has been cheating since our daughter was born. He has an addiction. He has never dealt with it but why would he tell me something I would have never found out if he would do it again? There was no reason for him to tell me about something that happened 21 years ago if he didn't want to change. It will be really hard for me to trust him again and I am taking a big risk for staying with him. I do believe he loves me and always has but I do believe he has an addiction and in my mind, now that the truth is out, I think he can overcome his addiction. With an addiction, admitting that you have one is the biggest start to overcome it. Currently, I am focusing on myself. He can only heal himself, I can't do anything to help him except try and support him. But I am much more vigilant now. No excuses for him..I just don't think he would share that info with me if he was going to do it again. We are both pushing 50 and our children are grown up. We now have a grandson and I see a big change in him. Our families and children know the truth. I know I should probably give up on him but I love him and in the end, all I can do is love him with all of his flaws. He was molested as a child and has had a porn addiction since age 14. He has masturbated daily since then. For the 1st time in his life, he has faced his demons. I know he could do it again but I think that is the chance I need to take.

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[1555]
Jan 16

I am so sorry for all of this. It is a very difficult thing to go through. You are not alone... please remember that. Keep talking about it. If you haven't already, maybe try counseling for yourself and for you and your husband together? Sometimes taking with someone else helps us sort it all out. I also believe it is up to you to decide if you want to stay in the marriage and then don't waver. Fight for your husband and your marriage. Walk beside him and forgive him. I know it will take some time to trust him again. That is normal and something that he will have to earn back from you. A marriage an be restored even after many years if you believe in it. Sending you big hugs!

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[170]
Jan 17

@SheWrote Thank you for your kind compassionate words. He is a sex addict. Been together for 26 years and I'm just finding out now. I feel so dumb for not knowing. I am going to counselling and I am trying to get him to go back to couples counselling with me. ( I haven't asked him yet). We have been twice before in the beginning but that when I thought he had 1 affair. he lied to me and the counselor.
I don't know if he can ever tell the truth. I just want to support him and help him get the help he neds. He thinks he can just do it on his own. He has not stepped out since and he has stopped porn and masturbation. (As far as I know). But.. he does need help. All the reading I have been doing on addiction tells me that much. I will continue to stay by his side. I am looking towards the future and letting go of the past. I already told him I cannot keep going through this. I need to set boundaries...something I never thought I would have to do for a grown man....Thanks for the hugs and back at you...thanks

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