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so basically this is going to be really long and have a coup

so basically this is going to be really long and have a couple stories of things ive been through so you can really understand what im going through. im 17 and the world just seems so dark. im a very positive, outgoing, optimistic and goofy person.. but i dont know who i am anymore. ive been through a lot in my life. physical, emotional and sexual abuse.. i have no friends and well im in quite the pickle right now. i got expelled from my highschool and put on probation for something i didnt even do. i was at school and i went outside because i was having a panic attack and needed air. i went in a little corner where i wouldnt have to see anybody ( my "friends" knew where this was and that i went there often ) they eventually came out and both "A" and "N" started smoking.. i didnt even take one hit, "A" threw his pipe at me ( it was metal ) and said that they cashed it and if i wanted to try to get a hit i could. i threw it back to him immediately and said no thank you. apparently security guards saw it and since they saw it in my hand i got suspended for 10 days ( i ended up going to the mental hospital for attempted suicide and being there for 3 weeks and got diagnosed as bi polar ) then when i came back got expelled for missing too much school. the school told me they wouldnt press charges ( also, neither "A" or "N" got into any trouble ) but 6 months later i got a letter saying i was due in court, they told me that i had to do an 8 hour drug diversion class and thats it. i did it and got the certificate and then they told me i had to do more stuff... long story short a year later im on house arrest. my dad has taken my phone ( for texting someone he doesnt want me to be friends with ) and i just feel so alone in this world. im completely alone 20+ hours a day, no phone, nobody to talk to, nothing to do, stuck in my house. and my sunshine and rainbows turned into grey skies and hurricanes. when i try to talk to my father about this he tells me that i shouldnt be so bored when theres plenty of things to do. he says " you can clean the garage and the backyard and your bedroom" and well you get it. he says i shouldnt be so bored and sad if theres still chores i can do. but keep in mind me and him have a rocky past. i dont have a mother thats in my life so he raised me, along with my ex-stepmom who was emotionally abusive and neglected me but treated her bio kids like queens and Kings ( my dad works a lot ).. after she left my dad started getting physically abusive towards me.. i ran away and my friends mom took me to CPS but they said there "wasnt enough eveidence"..thats when i went to the hospital ( right before i got expelled) flash forward a year and the abuse is still happening. there have been instances where i beg police for help but both my older sister ( who witnessed it ) and my dad lied to the police and said hes never laid a finger on me. so the police told me theres nothing they can do. eventually i had finally had enough. i ran away and this time i made it very clear that i wasnt coming home. he told me he wouldnt force me to come home and i was living with my "best friend". my dad ended up telling my probation officer that he kicked me out for being an "unruly teenager" and they moved my court date up. my P.O. pushed for me to be detained.. but my attorney was able to talk the judge into house arrest. which means i was sent back to living with my father. and thats where im at now. but my life just feels so useless. im not in school, no job, so im home 24/7. im almost always home alone but even when people are here? they are asleep. and i have insomnia so that makes everything worse. i dont have a phone to talk to anybody, nobody can come over and i obviously cant leave. the light in my world has faded and ive been left all alone. i found my old laptop but my dad blocked all social media websites.. and well... i dont know how im going to get through this. i was supposed to get off house arrest tomorrow.. well actually today because its 2 am but i got a call yesterday saying they are pushing my court date back to july 9th. so i have 2 more months of this.. i really dont think i can do this any longer..

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 3
[865]
May 16

Hi Leah. I see that you're new here. Welcome to the group. I'm so sorry for what you've been going through at school and with your dad and stepmom. For such a young person, the is quite a lot to endure and I'm very concerned over this situation.

I want to see you safe so please don't do anything that will put you in harm's way. But do you think you can slip over to a neighbor's house and try and ask them for help? You desperately need an adult in your life whom you can trust. If you'd like to inbox me so we can continue this dialogue, please feel free to do so anytime you want. I'm praying that the right help will come and you'll be in a safer environment before long. Be encouraged. Hugs, xoxo

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RainbowChard's picture
[7295]
May 16

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. The good news is that it won't be long before you turn 18 - I would start planning for the future with the time you have now. Wishing you peace. <3

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[35115]
May 20

@leaha1214

Hello and welcome to the SG Depression group. We are happy that you have joined us. This is an amazing and safe place where you can share your thoughts, feelings and struggles without judgement. Continue to post and you will make friends and receive help and support. I am very sorry to hear about all that you have been through and for what you are presently going through.

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