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I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight memories of how my w

[6490]

I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight memories of how my wife looked the morning she passed away the last time cleaned her up before she was taken away will come like a wave its been weeks before this happened tonight

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[435]
8 hours ago

I'm sorry to see this jay10. Just yesterday I had an episode myself after being ok for almost a week. My boyfriend doesn't completely understand my disorder because he has some issues of his own that have not yet been diagnosed but. He is a mechanic and is putting a new engine in my Jeep and accidentally broke an important bolt he started cussing and raising his voice and it hit me like running into a brick wall going 95 mph. I got dazed and started having flashbacks of random clips of my childhood clear up to now. I started silently crying and rocking myself with my head down like a timid child and realized that I had to change my lifestyle and living conditions if I was going to have any chance of leaving these horrible things behind me to move on to a better life of recovery. It makes me sad however because I know that my boyfriend is a good man, has the best of intentions, and has very strong feelings for me, the children, and our family but I also know that he is not willing to change. We have been together for almost 7 years now but he hits to many of my triggers way to often for me to be able to move on to a healthy recovery. I just don't know how to end it without burning the bridge and that's the last thing I want is to burn the bridge. I had nightmares last night of my childhood and my children telling me that they didn't want to live with me or have anything to do with me and that's my worst fear in this whole world. I feel like I would literally die if that ever happened.

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[6485]
6 hours ago

@Ptsdlifer I'm so sorry that you are suffering like this as well two people I'm suffering trying to find my purpose again my wife passed away in my arms my triggers are from being her main caregiver and my other trigger afraid of being alone......I want to hold someone again love someone again that's what my wife told me she wanted me to do before she passed my hope for you is that you can recover for both of us I need simple someone to make happy and love that person for the rest of there life not money, not things just the right person to love....I thank you for messaging me and sharing so much thank you..

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[435]
2 hours ago

My point was that it's hard to find someone who is understanding of the disorder and without disorder of their own to help guide us through and be in a comfortable loving relationship with.

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