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I am a girl,26. I was in a backstreet relationship with my b

I am a girl,26. I was in a backstreet relationship with my best friend (10yrs of friendship), who is 24. we fell in love fast and crazy. it was wild and uncontrollable. I got so drunk in love and lost my mind. She is usually very reserved and quiet. I was controlling, obsessive and i made mistakes which caused her to lost her online best friend. I knew i was out of my mind thus i took time for a break and trying to fix my behavior. we were out of contact for 5 months and suddenly in Dec she sent me an email to say goodbye. She said it was a closure but i am no where near it. That day my whole world crumbled. Not only i lost the love of my life but also my best friend. She said she dont think she can be best friends anymore with me. Even though that's what she promised before we started this relationship. I was afraid to start this rs but she initiated it and I love her so much so i just risked it all. Now she said she is annoyed by her text and I heard from a friend she got to know a guy who has the similar interests as her and they pretty much match each other and planning to go on a holiday trip together somewhere in June. I cant even text her if i annoy her, i am trying my best to hold myself and not doing anything stupid. But GOD i miss her so much. I just want us to be back again as friends. but it seems like it is too much to ask from her.
Please tell me how i can let this go and be more happy. At this rate i cant even have a normal life and started having breakdowns here and there. I dont have much friends and all my life she is the only one i have confided in. She is the best thing that has ever happened in my life.
Because of the stress, I have been sick for more than a month. I havent been eating or sleeping well too. Any kind of insights are very much appreciated.

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[2370]
Jan 11

Sorry you're feeling this pain. You've commented that you identified you were controlling and obsessive and "tried" to fix your behavior. Keep working on that part, but I suggest you'll have to switch your focus to the present moment and let her move on with her life. Losing someone that dear to you will feel like the end of your world, but time really does heal. Refocus that energy to something else if you can, learn something new, get another hobby, work out, and/or interact personally with others more often (meet up). Keep working on yourself and surrender to what is (move on). Again, I feel your pain, but love is sometimes this way - if this situation is affecting your health maybe you should talk with a professional for a session or two? Best of luck, you can write here and get more support.

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[55]
Jan 11

I have been listening to more positive videos and i am trying not to be a controlling or dominating person. I only have her and she is the only one who knows my sexuality and all my secrets. She told me to do her a favor and stop hoping to be back as friends because currently she cant opened up to me but she doesnt know what will happen in future. She was being cruel to me because she said she doesnt wanna lie to herself. So does this mean she wanna keep me as her spare friends? jst in case she change her mind later on? I am at the point where i tried so hard everyday not to text her because she said everything about me annoys her. I felt so painful and hurt. Nobody knows about this and i have been crying secretly at toilet or at night. Its hard to put on a mask and pretend everything is okay.
Thank you so much for your reply though

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