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WHY do they try to make us jealous? They try to make everyo

WHY do they try to make us jealous? They try to make everyone jealous. At some point, it's just silly, and cruel.

After several Hoovers--once I held out for seven months before responding to the incessant attempts to contact me--I've noticed a pattern. There's always another man. Either I'm the ex being used to make another man jealous, or another man is displayed to try to make me jealous, or both.

She once sent me a long, loving email about how I was the great love of her life after we had been apart for many months of no contact. I later learned she sent that email the very day she moved in with another man, with whom she was discussing marriage.

I can almost understand the borderline's irrational fear of abandonment, and her needing to hedge her bets. But I can't understand the casual cruelty, or the self-sabotage.

As I was being devalued during our last go around, there was another man in the picture. There's always at least one other man. But here's the thing: that man is being used, and I'm sure another man will be used to triangulate him. I'm sure it was this way when I first met her--she was using me to make some other ex jealous, and I had no idea.

I'm sure she was texting exes while she was with me. If they responded, she picked a fight and made an excuse to leave. If they didn't, she'd make nice with me.

I've been at each corner of the triangle. She once phoned me while she was living with another man to cry and complain about him, and asked if we could meet at a hotel. On another occasion, she told me she had broken up with that man and had a restraining order against him, and offered herself to me; I declined, and she was out to dinner with that man the next evening. There's always another man. And if you can't see the other man in the picture, YOU are the other man.

Outwardly, she is very charming, beautiful, and claims to want a ring on her finger. Literally every man who has ever been close to proposing has been triangulated the same way--every man learns fairly soon not to trust her. Not coincidentally, she describes her other exes as possessive, jealous, dangerous. She was "just being friendly."

She claims to be almost hysterically upset that she still isn't married. I expect the silly, cruel jealousy games are a big reason why.

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View 26 More Comments
Aug 18

@ACBriz One of the biggest things that helped me (and bear with me here, this may sound harsh) is that I was never special to the narcissist. It was a hard pill to swallow but once I did, it opened my eyes, let the light in, and lifted the fog. I think it is because I could actually see it less as something that was done to ME. It has been done to everyone the n has been in contact with or ever will be. It made it feel less personal. Another thing to keep in mind that helped me a lot was to remember that these creatures only target people that have what they want and know that they don’t...they target funny, kind, smart, successful, etc people. Those qualities are yours and while they tried their hardest to steal them from you, they couldn’t..they’re part of what makes you, you.

Aug 20

Thank you. That really is helpful advice.

Aug 26

@ACBriz Glad it was helpful. I also found that with knowledge came power....I researched npd so much I could probably write a thesis on it. I don’t mean you should go to that extreme, but the more you find out about the disorder, the more you can step outside and realize it was not personal. It never was.


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