When it rains it pours! Just found out from kids that my ex

When it rains it pours! Just found out from kids that my ex left his job...so he told them...he has had 3 jobs over last few years...at each job there was at least one person he didn't get along with. Got fired from 1st job. He describes it to kids as the other person's fault. His grandiosity is just amazing. This time he couldn't get along with his boss...apparently his boss did not treat him as he deserves to be treated. Anyway, he finally got a decent job this last time. And bonus was that he was out of town for extended periods of time. It was Heaven! I can't express how peaceful and wonderful it was! And now it's gone:( He lives 1 mile away from me so now I have to prepare for Hell. I guess at least I am finally gaining the tools to deal with it. I had some basics down with the psychologist I saw at beginning of divorce...just not specific methods for dealing with NPD. Side note...it's interesting to step back and really see the symptoms of NPD...In the past I recognized a few, actually a lot of the symptoms in my ex. But when kids said he no longer has a job again, just got me thinking...kids have told me things in past that I did recognize as NPD, but didn't pay much attention to. Things like my ex has been fighting with his neighborhood dog catcher for years...even went to court (of course he told kids he was victorious and the man should have never crossed him). Ex just refuses to keep his dog on leash...and he lives on dangerous busy streets. Yesterday my girl told me a disturbing story about his mailman...was my mailman for 7 years and through my divorce...he is an extremely kind man...and was always kind to my ex when we were married. He no longer delivers here but now has the pleasure of working my ex's route. Well he has pepper sprayed ex's dog twice and is the "evil man." Now, I don't like the pepper spray and actually love my ex's dog, but disturbing part is "it's the mailman's fault mom, that's what dad said" (from my daughter). I had to explain to her that it was not that a dog needs to be secured outside, of course mistakes happen and they get let out mistakenly occasionally. But ex consistently keeps letting dog roam around outside unsecured after being warned, even taken to court. Doesn't make sense, but very characteristic of NPD. I have just started to REALLY examine these symptoms I knew were there. I feel silly posting about things like dog catchers and mailmen, lol! But just shows all those symptoms so well. Makes me feel better to understand the disease better. Think it makes me better prepared to deal with it. Simple things, but so enlightening. Refuses to be confronted or take orders from anyone...he is above that. & not gonna change. Am glad I am beyond that beginning stage of realizing he is a narcissist...but now comes learning how to really deal with it...and with kids in the mix. My work is cut out for me!!Gonna probably have some questions on how to react in next few days with ex not working, available to harass:(

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[8425]
Jul 17

Sometimes we have to roll around in the muck for a little while. We have to write it, read it and share it. After awhile all the stories start to blend. In the beginning you need some tools to help you achieve "No Contact."

You have a problem with those children. They are like parrots, they carry everything he says and does to you. In return they carry everything you say and do to him. Recognizing that, you can use it to your advantage. You might try down playing what they relate or changing the subject on them showing them that you really don't care. Above all, be careful of what you say to them because it will be repeated.

Narc's are notorious for losing jobs. It depends on what they do for a living, but regardless once they get a job they set out to change what is going on around them. They want things their way. Often you will find them self employed. Some find tremendous success and are very good at making money. Others struggle. Often seeing their business as much bigger than what it is. The word "Handyman," has become a red flag to me.

I suspect that he wants to return to the relationship with you so you are going to have to be vigilant right now. Careful that he doesn't suck you back in.

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