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Tonight is for some reason excruciating...... I can’t stop

218guy's picture
[2100]

Tonight is for some reason excruciating...... I can’t stop crying .... I randomly got so angry at everything ... and shut down .... i tried so hard and did so much ..... WHY WHY WOUOD SOMEBODY DELIBERATELY TREAT SOMEBODY THIS WAY .......

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Got nothing to do with you, your value, your person, your worthiness. It has everything to do with your love, your sensitivity, your strength, your empathy. Unfortunately, narcs stalk and capture the ones they want to emulate. A narc would not choose someone that didn't care.

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218guy's picture
[2100]
Nov 8

@StreaksDarkAngel i don’t know what triggered me tonight ......... I just want her fake love .... I want her crocodile tears and fake touch ........ I hate her so much ... yet .... I just want her to hold me ......

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@218guy I understand. I was just reading some passages in my journal from 2015. I wonder what was wrong with me that I didn't walk then. I would break up and then reach out to him and allow him to start all over again on me. It's been a year and a month and some days all I want is to hear his voice. Sometimes I whisper Good Night to him when I go to sleep. Some days I seem to have forgotten everything that he did to me. But now there is a voice in my head that constantly replays the horror of him. I will say this...it doesn't rip me to pieces anymore. My heart is no longer dragging bloody but beating 10 feet behind me. It's with me where it belongs. I will always miss the good of him and that's OK.

I have never cried so much in my entire life as I did over him.

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