This was one of the most confounding things about my narciss
This was one of the most confounding things about my narcissist ex behaviour, and I wonder if anyone else (I am sure there must be many of you have experienced this, and it is really hard to explain but I will do my best. Here goes....my ex was always pretty consistently insensitive, unreliable, sneaky etc so this being his typical constant behaviour I always found myself trying to converse with him about things that I found unacceptable and hurtful. During these conversations he would turn things around and gaslight and project and turn things around on me, until I would explode and call him a name or swear at him to which he would say that I was abusive to him and completely forget about the reason for the original conversation was because of his terrible behaviour. I have heard this is very common with narcissist.....but my confusion is this. Is it because their brains are wired differently or is it all manipulation and they know they are doing this. Mine would call me a crazy b##ch and say that those are "just words" but what I do is pick on things that wound him deeply. What? Is he serious. I tend to really think they have no ability to empathize so do not understand....but when it is all clearly in writing for them how is it they still cannot see? Sometimes I would outline everything in point form or apologize for calling him a mean name. DIRECTLY minutes later he would say "see? you lack empathy....you can't apologize....and you can't even tell me how I manipulated you". Can someone tell me what the heck that is? Its so weird...months later I still cannot wrap my head around it.
@Ch3ryl1308 Hi, the rubbish treatment they dish out just gives you such a feeling of unfairness but that is exactly what it is UNFAIR, it's always rigged in their favour. The Narc has sussed you out so they know few people want much, if any, level of conflict in their close personal relationships so they can play the trump card at any point, at any time they can sit in that brooding, heavy silence, maybe seeming occupied in a book, tv show, computer game etc, just shutting you out. They have no negotiating skills or conflict resolution ability (unless faked as an emergency measure to stop you leaving or get you back) because they have to always feel they are superior. So why would the Narc ever say sorry when it is never in their head anything is ever their fault. The way they hurt us is through behaving to or doing things to us we would never do to the one we love. They just aren't like us. I hope you are free from its grasp now and moving on in your life. XX
@Limp Yes oddly (isn't everything odd with them) they are the ones that feel like a victim if you stand up to their abuse. To this day my narc tells people that I was horrid to him and when were together and I told him when he was behaving horribly to me and then he would further disrespect me and I would swear.....he would tell me that I say the most horrible things to him and he "deserves better". lol I just have to laugh when I think back. He deserves no one!! Complete insane inability to see that it was his behaviour and disrespect that caused the problem in the first place.
You could of been describing my situation in what you just put (except I'm still trapped with it for now).
Exactly!! HIS disrespect that caused the problem. And as you rightly say they really do believe they are the victim.
Deliberately provoking me into saying something, or swearing, and it's away with the abuse! Then silence.
I found last year that "It" (the narc I'm with) triangulates me very nicely for its own enjoyment by secretly speaking to its close relative (who seems the personification of a super Narc if ever there was one) and tells them everything about our lives, including heavily twisted selected bits to completely remove all blame from itself what so ever. Of course both Narcs are in heaven in this insane world of theirs that revolves around one saying how wonderful it and everything it does is (and giving its cracked opinion about me) while not realising that the Narc I know (who it's related to and speaking to secretly) doesn't give a **** about it and is just using it! Ha ha ha.
You know what I really want to do? I want to run off to a clean, quiet, cosy room FAR away. Ring them both up in their seperate locations and just say "I'm SO happy I never have to see you or hear about you ever again!"
A dream come true. I'm working on it. Xx