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This last year I’ve spend with a new love. To be honest it

This last year I’ve spend with a new love. To be honest it was a hard adjustment. I had dated him before and broke up with him because he was too nice to me. I literally would feel bored or annoyed with his kindness. I couldn’t feel like I deserved it. I was waiting for him to get pissed off at me and degrade me. We don’t fight. We do disagree and discuss stuff. I’ve been upset with him and he’s been upset with me. But it never turns disrespectful or abusive. It always stays in “how can we love each other more”.

Being loved for real after a long narc relationship is an adjustment. But things I’ve learned:

Love is consistent.
Love wants you to be happy in an unselfish way.
Love is friendship.
Love is balance.
Love never degraded or insults.
Love doesn’t punish with emotional pain (silent treatment, etc)
Love can’t stand to see you hurt or cry.
Love is the things you do for the other person not just an empty word.
Love is calm, sitting together in a crowd.
Love doesn’t leave you feeling lonely. Even when my love is far away, I don’t feel alone.
Love wants what’s best for you even if it doesn’t benefit them.
Love isn’t perfect.
Love is kind.

I never had love before for 20+ years with the narc. You all deserve to be really loved. Let 2020 be the start of your journey to be really loved. Love yourself first in this way. Sit with yourself and talk to yourself about how valued and great you are. I did that for years. I still struggle to see my value. But I can clearly see my value now in my lovers eyes.

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Jan 2

Isn't it mind blowing??? I am in the same situation. And I still don't trust that he is that kind, that caring, that good, that decent. I am afraid to jinx it! :-) I am glad you found it too, and hope everyone feels this valued and cared for at some point in their lives.

jah050505's picture
Jan 14

Wow—how amazing to find such a love! I don’t think it’s very possible for me to have that. I feel damaged from one too many narc relationships. This last one felt so different, it felt like true love, healthy love, until the mask slipped and eventually revealed the truth. You give me hope...I’m very happy for you!

Feb 4

@ikp1986 Hi. I haven't been on much and wanted to check to see how you are doing. Hope everything is working out for you. Take care.


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