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This is my first time here. I have been married to a narcis

This is my first time here. I have been married to a narcissist for 32 years. I truly didn't know he was a narcissist until roughly 10 years ago. I didn't know because I never knew a narcissist in my lifetime until I unfortunately married one. Things were great at first and started to deteriorate after 5 years of marriage. He began cheating on me then and I threatened to leave but, as you know, he acting remorseful and promised to never let it happen again. The verbal, mental, and emotional abuse began. Sometimes there was physical abuse. Up until 10 years ago, I thought the problem was me. My spirit was broken. I was isolated from friends and family. I could go on and on about the bad treatment. Just this past year I read a very good piece on narcissism and had an "ah ha" moment. I now know how destructive narcissists are. I have not left him because I am the sole supporter of our household. he stopped working 4 years ago. I'll be damned if I am going to divorce him so he gets alimony and part of my retirement that I have worked for for the past 23 years. I have no intention of retiring anytime soon either. This may sound crazy but I am so numb from his abuse that it's almost too much effort to do anything different. He can be as hateful as he wants but I just keep hoping he will die before me. I know, it's a crappy way to live. But the joke will be on him, because if I die first, my son gets everything.

Sorry for the ranting. It feels good to spill my guts. I mostly feel ashamed that I am stuck in this situation. Even if I did leave him, I know in my heart that he would never leave me alone. I am gald to have found this group of people who know what I am talking about.

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[770]
Aug 13

@Georgie17 so true. Several sayings come to mind when thinking about my husband whom i am divorcing. The ones about hindsight, leading a horse to water, fool me once....

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[1225]
Aug 13

Has anyone ever wondered why people like Narcs were created? And, is this part of some ultimate plan for our lives? I have always said God never gives you more than you can handle, but enough already. I have two chronic conditions and I am married to a complete a$$hole. And he runs around like he's a supreme being and that no one is better than him. He's embarrassing to be around and I am so over trying to be the adoring wife. I would love to tell him he's a narc, but I've been told that's not a good idea. One day at a time.

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[1745]
Aug 13

I just get you COMPLETELY!!!!

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