There was another post about sex with a narc that brought up

lostandfoundtn's picture
[3350]

There was another post about sex with a narc that brought up things I did not realize were traits. I understand the control factor and it tended to be on the rough side. At the beginning it was anytime, anywhere and as often as possible. Mine had another habit, the camera on his phone. He would turn video on or take pictures. The first few times it kind of bothered me but I chose to let it go. It became an obsession for him, almost like he couldn't get his without it. He was nearly always behind me, so I would notice a hesitation and catch him trying to get his phone camera on. I even caught him masturbating one day and it was a video of me he was watching, after withholding sex for weeks. I started telling him no, even knocking the phone out of his hands. Before I left, I had found all the messages to other women, but I also found a folder filled with pictures and video of me. Hundreds of images I had no idea he had taken, I was so disgusted and felt almost dirty. I deleted everything I could find. I never found evidence that he shared it or posted these anywhere, but it is a concern and I may never know. I haven't shared this because I was very embarrassed, but now I want to know if I am alone in this. It was sick and incredibly degrading.Why would he do that? What did he get out of it?

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[101740]
Apr 17

@kelly72 Yes, Kelly, I want happiness for others too!......

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Karinah's picture
[4390]
22 hours ago

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Sadly, all kinds of women have been violated this way and not just from narcs. It is a crime to videotape sex without consent. I set hard boundaries around this with my 2 exs, but I know they did it regardless. I felt better having the boundaries. It is important because IF you do find video or pictures you will be 100% clear that you were violated and you are with someone who has no qualms about violating you. I suppose a really healthy woman would report it to the police at that point. I think these boundaries should be a standard part of self care for everyone in this era of technology. I think it would be wise to even ask the guy to hand you his phone so you can have control and know it's in another room. If he cannot be sympathetic to your feelings about this, good riddance. My sex addict ex kept pressuring me for pictures. My feeling is that a woman should really maintain control over her own body and images. So I agreed somewhat by saying, OK, I'm going to have a photographer take some beautiful nude photos. He didn't want them. He was only interested in being in control and in images that were objectifying/ dehumanizing rather than sexy and beautiful. I found out later he stalked his ex, was a peeping tom, lured underage teenagers online, ... and more. I left that relationship fast fortunately. But it was still devastating at the time.

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lostandfoundtn's picture
[3330]
1 hour ago

@Karinah When we examined my boundaries in therapy I realized that my physical and sexual were very weak in a relationship. Yet, they were extremely rigid with anyone outside of that. I am working on resetting those to a healthy standard. When I decide I am ready to try dating again, I will stop it the first time I feel at all uncomfortable. I also tried to do a tasteful photo shoot as an alternative to his version, he barely glanced at the pictures and tossed them to the side. I took them back when I left.

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