The thing ive found that works when hes on his tangent about

kitten0708's picture
[1765]

The thing ive found that works when hes on his tangent about how awful i am (and cant hear my feelings, which sadly ive accepted until i can get away) is to just agree. Ill ask, so thats how i feel? Ok. Thats what happens ? Those are my intentions? Ok. And as hes flying off the handle telling me what i feel and why i do things because im so selfish, i just agree looking at him. God forbid i asked him twice to come back into the house to help, makes me such a selfish creature, but i just agree. Sometimes i ask him are you sure thats how i feel and thats why i asked you to do it, and he will still say yes. They cant fight their ego. If something is asked of them that they dont want to do, they will kill u with evrry ounce of their disorder because their brains have learned to fight against anything they dont want to do...even asking them nicely if they can help they will fly off the handle and tell u u are selfish for asking that and was a nag, if they dont want to. Sick, twisted, but ive learned to pacify until i can escape.

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kitten0708's picture
[1765]
Aug 12

Thnx. Any techniques y'all used to bide your time? And yes, i find myself saying yes dear i understand your feelings waaay too often to stop an episode lol

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StillStandingMF's picture
[20765]
Aug 13

@kitten0708 Look up the term Gray Rock. It's a very useful technique for coping when you can't get away immediately. :-)

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StillStandingMF's picture
[20765]
Aug 13

@kitten0708 I know how hard it is to have to deal with the person day after day. I didn't have this Group or the knowledge I have now while I was married but I think it would have made it all easier to bear until I could break free. The last year was unbelievably hard and I had almost disappeared before I finally just walked out one day. No warning to him, just a note. I was done, I had nothing left to give. I walked away from everything I knew, I walked away from a family that I had come to love, and I did it to save myself. It's been a tough year and I did some stupid self-destructive crap in the beginning but I made it through and I found myself again.

You'll get through this, I promise.

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