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The other night I took out my wife for a date, after a nice


The other night I took out my wife for a date, after a nice dinner with good chat and a surprisingly low dose of criticism, I walked out trough the slow motorized entrance doors of the restaurant while she walked to the bar to grab some flyer or pamphlet, as I waited for her at the door she stood by the bar for about 5-10 seconds and one of the waiters gestured me not to stand through the doors, so I stepped out letting the door close slowly. My wife came out and accused me of slamming the door in her face and asserting that everybody inside looked at the scene in shock for how rude I had been, this in front of other exiting clients. Today I woke up to her standing by the bed and telling me that she realized that "her language of love" is "gifts", meaning she feels loved when I buy her gifts (how convenient), so she asked me to buy her a new ring "so that she can think of me when looking it at it" (which in her mind it's the rewarding reason why I should buy it for my own benefit after all, not hers). I said "sure I'll keep that in mind for next gift or occasion" to which she responded that I don't need an occasion to buy it, hence, I should buy it right away. On a good day, this is just some subtle ordinary emotional abuse and manipulation techniques narcs use, on a bad day things escalates to hours of yelling, name calling, reality warping at their convenience and sometimes physical attacks. I just felt like venting and stating the obvious: life with this kind of people is exhaustingly hard.

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May 17

When I read through the posts The Serenity Prayer which I learned attending Co-dependents Anonymous came to mind - so I thought I would share it here.

God, grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference. Grant me PATIENCE with the changes that take time, APPRECIATION of all that I have, TOLERENCE of those with different struggles and the STRENGTH to get up and try again one day at a time.

Best wishes to all.

lostandfoundtn's picture
May 17

@handev I understand. When I made the decision to get out of my situation, there were things I had to handle first. Knowing and having to stay makes it so much harder. I struggled to keep the peace while preparing to leave. Not everyone understands this type of relationship and there is a lot of bad advice out there. It sounds to me like you are in the right frame of mind and determined to better your life.

May 17

Can we support one another here, rather than tear people down?
Advice can be helpful, but people have to move or change their life at their own pace.
One cannot tell another person to leave someone or when to leave.
When our hearts are involved, we know how intricate relationships can be.
If people want to vent on here, then by all means- let them.
People need to get their feelings out. They need to rid themselves of the mental infection from sometimes- years of mental abuse from others.
If, or when someone decides to make a change in their life or leave their partner- they can do so when the time is right for them.
If they choose not to leave, then that is their choice also.
It is their life.
Live and let live.


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