So its been 3 weeks and was somewhat ok until this weekend,
So its been 3 weeks and was somewhat ok until this weekend, so I emailed my NPD ex that I was sending a pre paid envelope to send me something I left at her house and forgot hat I renamed her as "bad news", so when she got the email she said she would send me the package and also "oh yeah its not nice to label people as Bad News ". Told her everyone has their own defense mechanisms and left it at that.
At 1st I felt bad but then I remembered that this is the person that left me during the holidays by text, 1 week before my birthday, on top of the million times she had no consideration . The empaths side of me wanted to once again fix this wrong, with all my might I am trying to leave it as is. Eventhough the last 3 weeks for me have been devastating, I have remained strong. Her brother and niece have expressed to me that she was going through a hard time with this but honestly, a good person ultimately wouldn't discard of people as if they are a piece of object
There are times I miss her very much but how is it normal to miss a person that never treated you all that well ? Its been 3 weeks and really just dieing that this chapter of my life passed already. I'm tempted to start dating but that will not be productive at this point
Thank you Kelly, I have been engulfed with all the readings that everyone sent me. I find myself hating him, but then loving him. Just when I think the trap is gone, I am back on the narc bandwangon again. I am still not talking to him, but he has contacted me on our daughter. He is so cold and it hurts to think that I gave that man my time. Did your ex ever accuse you of strange things? Or did he ever try to make you do things you were uncomfortable doing? Since I have been doing the readings everyone sent, I have seen a lot of stories of the narc making their partners do things to gratify them. Even when us as the empaths don't want to do it. I am just astonished how cold they really can be. I find myself thinking about all the things he made me do, and I begged not to do them, but he would threaten to leave so I would go along with it. I have been having night terrors too. Its been so liberating to finally know what I am facing, yet so heartbreaking to finally see that my life with him was a lie. I have been grinding my teeth, and i have been waking up with excruciating headaches. When you finally let your narc go, how did you cope? Do you have any suggestions that I can do to get my mind off of him. I keep wanting to think of the good times, but they were so far and few. I would greatly appreciate it. God bless you as well. I am starting to see the blessings of him not being around, but it still hurts knowing I was replaceable. Does that feeling ever truly go away?
OH, the crazy stories I could tell you! Just a few: He would try to get me to tell him my fantasies and then badger and assault me over them. He would try to make me pretend I was with someone else and talk to them. When I refused he blew a gasket. He, of course, tried to get me to do a 3 and he offered to do a 3 himself. When I turned it all down he would say I was insecure. He accused me of doing things with my boss, my coworkers, my friends and worst of all ....my son!!! That was the day I threw a chair at him for saying that. I couldn't believe it. I don't think that way so I knew if he had the audacity to say something that cruel and horrible then he thought it or did it himself, not me. I had suspicions that he had a weird relationship with his stepdaughter from previous marriage but later found out they had been together! He sexually abused me, too. He would get physically so rough that he hurt me. He threw my lower back into a bedpost that hurt so bad it nearly made me cry and he made fun of me. I have large breasts and he'd pull them up while I was on my back and make fun of their shape. I found all kinds of creepy crap on his computers. It would have never ended. I found him so weird and creepy that I couldn't believe I even liked him. You would think from all the sexually perverted stuff they get on their minds that they'd be good in the sack, quite the opposite. He stunk! He was never loving, little to no foreplay, all about him, never lasted and over half the time he was ED (which I think was from being a creepy "pornvert"). They are extremely cold. They cannot love because they are like hollow trunks with decaying matter. I could literally see the evil in his eyes. His profile and bushy eyebrows were typical of what you'd see in a cartoon of an evil creature. Not kidding. I got away from him while on a trip and flew home. It gave me enough time to get a protection order and file for divorce while he was away. It was real hard at first but had to be done. I told myself the truth, it wasn't getting any better and it was up to me to live. No one was going to save me. Others cared but it was up to me. So, I put one foot in front of the other and NEVER looked back. There were hard days at first but I kept on going. I stayed busy and surrounded myself with loving people and enjoyed a peaceful single life. I read my Bible, prayed and only dated Christian men. I stayed narc free. It's the only way. Once you've been around one, you recognize them and stay clear. Do not think of the good times because they were fake. I did that at first then realized they never really happened. I did do counseling for about 6 months but it was more for dealing with the fact that I had been abused and rebuilding myself. It wasn't about him. It helped a lot because I did several things and read several books that helped me focus. And, honey, please do not think of being replaced. Think of your own replacements. You are replacing things like sexual abuse, verbal assaults, horrible accusations, lies, control, and evil with peace. Enjoy the peace. As for your night terrors, you may want to try counseling. As far as going away, it fades. It numbs. But, you never truly forget it because you have to remember from which you came in order to heal and avoid narcs in the future. I have since remarried a wonderful man but I've never forgotten the narc period, the hurt or the abuse. I have a low tolerance for narcs. I can't stand them. I only stay on this site because I hate to see innocent people hurt by these evil varmints and I try to support and help out in any way that I can to help those victims of narcissistic abuse to find hope. I promise if you will commit to staying narc free, no contact and take control of your life that you will be SO happy as I am. Keeping you in prayer.
Wow, Kelly its like you are describing my husband. It was so bad now that I reflect on it. The sick things that come out of their mouths. He would always say he hated gay men, but on more than one occasion during a fight when I wouldn't give in to his desires he would say "why do you deny me. I love you so much I would even suck another mans .... for you" . Now, what in the world is he on about. He would just say random stuff like that. He too accused me of doing that to my kids. I was appalled. I left him when he said that, but he waddled his way back into our lives only to go back to the same old ****. He was a good lover at first, but then he just became all about him, and that was it. I faked many times just to get it over with. He was not involved at all other than to get his job done. I stopped playing his little role games because it made me sick to my stomach to think of another person in our bed, and even to pretend to be one of his fantasies. I would cry after word because I couldn't understand why I wasn't good enough for him. He too got ED, and I think it was from all his sick perverted thoughts. I feel sorry for the girl who has to put up with his mess. He has told so many people that I am the creep, and that I do those things, but I have it all documented that he is the one with the sick twisted thoughts. Even the police said that he had a warped mind to come up with the things he did. Thanks so much for your support. I am doing it one day at a time. God bless you and I am so happy that I found this site. I needed this support. I had nobody to talk too, and it was driving me to an even further depression. I can't believe I am not alone, and that this is a real disorder. All the stories sound the same. Finally, I am not losing my mind. Thank you.