Ok so I guess I got the hoover I was praying for and it feel

Ok so I guess I got the hoover I was praying for and it feels as bad as people predict. Take it as a warning everyone who wants to give in. Don;t do it. He sent me a message on the chat at work. I ignored it. Told everyone I will. Then last night I started fantasizing about the how things could be good again. So this morning I replied. We sent a few messages back and forth my heart was pounding I was nauseous. He said at one point "i'll be back" and since then, since this morning...no more message. I am desperately waiting, ran back from a meeting to check, sitting here still although I need to leave for an appointment. It's sick. I feel as anxious as I have all this time, after the two months without him at work I now can tell the difference between how you're supposed to feel and how I feel now. He knows he has me. I wasn't desperate our anything even said I didn;t realize he was gone for that long. The Problem: I can;t tell anyone. I am so thankful for this group, just for being able to say this because none of my friends would get it.

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[4795]
May 22

@Lesliekess62 He is a colleague of mine, but after the discard he took unpaid leave for two months and disappeared. I only heard from another person. So now he is back but I wish he would go away. While he was off I took care of myself and the fog settled so I realized what happened (I knew he was a narc for months before but many things became clearer as I wasn't under his influence anymore).

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[210]
May 23

@Tessa1988 i came to this site for help from others that now what you are or have gone through. My friends act like Im a total idiot for even being upset he left. They call him a drain on society. Hate him. Doesn't help me feel better for them to think i'm stupid. I feel like a released prisoner who wants to stay in jail bc I don't know how to act with freedom

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[4795]
May 23

@ILU2828 This is such a great comparison. My friends and family said I was not the same person, and I am free, and I deserve better. I know all of that, and I know it will be ok one day but it doesn't help me with the right now where all I want is for him to lovebomb me just one last time. I am sure it's an addiction. One last fix. I was kind of addicted to food and managed to overcome it but with him it seems impossible. It's like I can't believe after all the devaluation that someone else would ever love me, knowing he never did. Everyone keeps on telling you to stay away, ignore him, and I even feel like they look at me strangely when I try to explain he has a mental illness, I mean people call each other narcissist or psycho non stop so it's like they don't take me or this situation seriously which upsets me even more. So thankful for this group!!

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