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Ok everyone...I'm having a moment of weakness here...I found

[2080]

Ok everyone...I'm having a moment of weakness here...I found some old t-shirts of his in a bottom drawer and now I'm doubting myself. I'm wondering if I misunderstood his actions. Was I really being too emotional or immature? Maybe he was truthful when he would tell me I was the love of his life and maybe I have been too demanding of him...I want that rush I get when I see him and he hugs me and tells me how much he loves me...and yet I make myself look at all of the screenshots of mean texts he sent me and the emails I sent myself of what he's done/said to me and even I know THAT is the truth I still want to contact him. Is this withdrawal??? This must be a symptom of withdrawal from the trauma-bonding. If it is then I'll go outside and smoke a few cigs to calm myself and give myself some time to think this through...this is just withdrawal, I'm going through withdrawal right now...I have to keep telling myself that bc I can't allow myself to contact him. Please tell me this is withdrawal and I didn't make a mistake leaving him. (balling my eyes out right now).

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[12725]
Jan 12

@havingahardtimeleaving one of the things I became more conscious of was "Self Soothing" and "reassurance" during times of increased emotional distress. I did things like "talk" to myself with positive affirmations like "this too shall pass". I listened to a soothing meditation on youtube, massaged parts of my body with my favourite oil, or did breathing exercises. It helped me to feel like I had the power to help myself whilst allowing myself to feel my emotions and let them flow.

I agree with the others - toss the t-shirt and everything else, like photos, trinkets, or ornaments which could trigger you about him. Replace them with things that support, encourage and enhance your recovery.

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[2080]
Jan 13

@Petmom I'm sending you good thoughts that you will indeed leave your Narc. For me it's been a constant battle of me breaking up with him then getting back together with him, until September when I told myself I either needed to get out for good or accept this as the rest of my life. While I started to distance myself Christmas night was the last straw and I stuck to my heart and that was the last time I saw him. We were supposed to talk one weekend but he cancelled (shocker) and we ended up text-arguing instead (just more ammunition of proof for me) and I got the proof I needed. The next morning the love-b0mbing started and then he asked "You don't miss me?" It took me a while to answer that. Then I said "There was truth in that statement." I missed the fake him not the real him. Then he said he was moving on and I just said "Thank you." I don't know how bad your NARC is but stay true to your gut and your head - telling you to get out. It's amazing how many times my head was telling me this was wrong and to listen to my intuition but I ignored it. Don't ignore it and find the strength to leave. I wish you the best in this challenge.

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[2270]
Jan 13

I'm sure you know how much I appreciate your well wishes. Sometimes it just feels so surreal.

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