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Narc is hoovering from a new number. Even though I blocked i

Narc is hoovering from a new number. Even though I blocked it and didn't respond, I feel weaker, not stronger. I'm worried about what his next move will be. And in the back of my mind, theres a little voice whispering, "Why not give him another chance? Maybe he really means it this time..." Really?

I know I don't have any more rounds in me. I know that if I cave, the lovebombing will be some watered-down version of the first one, followed by a new level of abuse and cruelty that I've yet to experience...what they say is right on...the abuse absolutely gets worse each time.

I am going to stay strong. I went back 10 times. 10!!! The average is apparently 7, and I'm not going for 11! I know all of you who've been hoovered only to live to regret it know exactly how difficult this is. I just thought I'd be immune to it by now. I want to be stronger.

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GirlKitty's picture
[19630]
Jan 12

Don't give him another chance to hurt you. You are right, you know where this leads. Stay strong. Don't give him number 11. He hasn't changed.
Even though I'm divorced, I, too, still hear the little voice only mine says, "he'll be different with this new girl...he'll treat her 'right'." But, truthfully, I know this leopard can't change his spots. And, even though the new girl told my son she hates me (God knows why), I don't hate her and I don't wish the narc abuse on her either. I wish if he could change he'd do it now. But, just a few weeks ago I saw first hand that he hasn't changed at all. He's still the abusive man he used to be. And, I think your narc is also the same man he used to be.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope tomorrow is a better day, sincerely.

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[15510]
Jan 12

Thanks everyone for your support. It was a trigger, but I powered through. Ducktape is right...it is our empathetic nature that works against us. Logic has to take over our emotions. Sadly there are people who simply do not deserve your empathy, because they will use it to manipulate you.

I resisted the urge to unblock and respond by reminding myself that I've given him way too many chances, and his behavior has only gotten worse. I reminded myself that I can't do anything about the past, but I'm in control of my present. I reminded myself that I was OK on my onw, that I was taking time to heal, that I needed this space.

Then, I actually went out. I visited with friends, had a great time, and didn't think about him much. Now that I'm back home, I'm so relieved that I blocked the new number and didn't contact him. In the past, I would have...and I'd be at his place by now, only to have a few weeks of relief followed by the slow drip of devalue torture and then BAM, a sudden discard, ghosted for a few weeks.

But now I know better. I played with fire, and I got burned. I'm not playing with fire anymore.

If it weren't for this group and the books I've read on this topic, I'd probably think I was crazy. I'm so grateful for this community and for all the resources out there to help people who are experiencing this craziness!

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romazicon8's picture
[13995]
Jan 12

@GirlKitty To make things clear, he is not the man he used to be he is the man has will always be!!

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