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My mother is a covert narcissist. She threatens to remove me

My mother is a covert narcissist. She threatens to remove me from school, ditch me somewhere without education, and her smear campaign is endless with my friends and family. She tries to get my friends on her side, and my family as well. Although she's difficult to tolerate, I've watched a lot of videos on how to cope, and I'm growing more and more tolerant, just until I leave school. However, she's making my last few years at school terrible; she threatens me to move schools in a different country mid-year/take away my education completely (these sound like empty threats, but she'd actually did this before; she tried shipping me off to a boarding school in another country. But then she started missing me and manipulating me into wanting to come back). Worst of all though, she prevents me from doing schoolwork by not allowing me resources like paper, internet connection, etc. She'd prevented me from seeing my friends/leaving the house not directly but through manipulation. And then she blames me for it. She does not consider my basic fundamental needs, much less my thoughts and opinions. I'm not allowed to go against her or have a differing opinion. I'm not allowed to reach out to anybody on the outside, and most likely everyone already sides with her. My potential is always limited due to my mother's actions and manipulation. She manipulated me into thinking I was mentally ill, and I seeked professional help for ME. She lied to the psychologist saying that my father (whom she divorced after only two years if not less and never got married again) was Bipolar (which was not true) and overall lied about me to get me into an anger management program. She tends to lie to me and others about people who she doesn't like, like her sister and my father. She'd talk bad about them, then say "You're just like that." I only respond using the broken record technique. However, at this time, I didn't know much about narcissism, only the basic principles of it, and I thought I was the problem; I was extremely cooperative with the psychologist, but I was too shy to say that I already practiced all the "anger coping strategies" she suggested. I suggested the idea of my mom being a covert narcissist, and she recommended my mom to therapy. Magically, we never went back to her ever since. Moreover, she's extremely abusive, physically. She beats me up for no reason, threatens to pour hot water on my face, jab or throw sharp objects at me, etc. This, however, is blamed on me, since I was "disrespectful." To her, everything I say is disrespectful if it contradicts her opinion. She rages like crazy, so quickly, and it lasts for ages. She holds smear campaigns to everyone she knows, relevant or not, and all the blame goes to me. She always maintains a clean and polished exterior, like she is understanding and competent. She isn't. It doesn't bother me anymore, truly, nowadays, but I just want to feel like my issues are acknowledged. I can cope with her abuse, it made me stronger; she's becoming a study for me-I observe but don't absorb. Due to this toxicity, I try to focus on self-healing and self-help, but that is seen as selfishness. I want to reconnect and reach out to those I'd been isolated from, but they either side with her due to her smear campaign, or simply don't get it. I'm fine though, I really truly can cope; I meditate at home and try to do things I'm into. But what concerns me to the point that I decided to write to this platform is that I'm not able to do my work. It's getting better now; she turns on the wifi more often and allows me to do homework at my own time instead of doing her work. But it's still not acceptable nor appropriate; I'm expected to be of service and benefit to her. I'm not allowed to do my work. When I have completed my chores and I say "I need to do my work for school" she says, "No, do my chores first" or "Do my presentation for work first." I tell her I don't have time, and that I need to focus on my work as it is crucial for my success at school, so she says "Ok, fine, I'll just move you to a different school/a non-established school." Again, though this seems like an empty threat, she'd done it several times before to disrupt my education, which she knows I value. It hit really hard during exams season in Year 9, as I missed more than half of the year's education due to this disruption, but then I was indirectly prevented from studying; she took away my resources and made it difficult for me to study. This year, it seems a little better, but she's unpredictable, and I'm afraid it's all a facade. It's difficult to open up to others with her in the picture; she blames me for everything, and everyone sympathizes with her. There's so much more she'd done, but she gaslights her abuse and confuses me. I always end up thinking like I'm the narcissist; ever since she found out I'd been into it, she'd been using it against me. I've studied a lot about Narcissism as a result, through the channel From Surviving to Thriving, but I always find it difficult to apply her advice into daily life. I can easily recognize my mother as a narcissist and distance myself from her, but I still have needs from a parent that are not fulfilled. My father is never in the picture. My family views me as the wrong and subtly make that apparent in their use of language. I'm fine though, it'll be over soon; I just don't know how to do well and feel secure in school with her constantly trying to blame me for her disruptions and acting like a parasite.

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daisy182's picture
Sep 14, 2018

How old are you? I'm so sorry for what you are going through. No one should have to live like that. I admire your determination to get through school. How long until you can get out of the house? Do you know anyone you could go live with, any trusted friends?

Sep 29, 2018

I'm so sorry this is happening go you. You need to get out of there. Ask someone and dont be shy or embarrassed at all. You are doing this for yourself so be selfish and detach from her. Tell your school counselor everything and dont feel bad for her, she didn't feel bad for you. I'm sure someone somewhere will help you just dont be afraid to speak up.


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