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My MIL has some definite narcissistic tendencies. She’s ol

My MIL has some definite narcissistic tendencies. She’s older (60) and in not the best health, so much more of a collapsed narcissist.

A few of her behaviours really confuse me however and I just cannot make sense of them and they make me question myself

She seems to see her daughter (my partner) as an extension of herself and also infantilizes her. This I understand is normal narcissistic behaviour. What I don’t get is that my MIL sees me as not only a constant threat to her and her daughters relationship (which is unfounded)... but also interprets almost ANYTHING I do as being vindictively motivated towards her daughter/my partner in some way.

Just as an example, when I went away for a weekend so see my grandmother who was in ill health, my MIL choose to interpret this as me making an excuse to “abandon” her daughter/my partner to “do everything around the house for me”. If I go anywhere for work it’s the same thing. If my partner and I both cook/clean together as we always do and my MIL sees it because she’s visiting, I am again forcing my partner to essentially do my bidding... even though it’s our house and cooking meals together is something that a) is a shared responsibility and b) we both enjoy. She’s accused me of being cruel, uncaring, manipulative etc.

Is this normal behaviour for a narcissist? I just find it odd as it’s so often centred around my treatment of my partner not my MIL herself. Though my MIL by extension.

My MIL also makes a point of asking me when I’ve made it home okay for any kind of work reason. Or checking on my families health. I try to just give vague answers. On the surface it appears it’s out of a place of concern or caring but she always twists these things and it is anything but. Sometimes it just seems like she wants to appear to care so that if I don’t do everything she expects me to do for her (and she expects to be weighted on hand and foot) then she gets to point out how she was nice in circumstances x, y, and z to me but I’ve failed to return the favour. She’ll insist on paying for expensive meals if my partner and I go out with her (we’ll offer to pay but she outright refuses) but seemingly only to get offended when my parents may not spend as lavishly if we go out with them. I’ve even heard her remark to my partner that “you had better not pay for your meal out with her parents because I spent a lot of money on her (me)”. She sees any time spent with my family as a slight against her. Even though we try to even out visits.

It’s all just so bizarre and exhausting to me and I used to try to always be on her good side but it’s impossible. I’ve ever gone so far as helping my partner clean my MILs house and do repairs her mom cannot do. She’s diabetic so I plan meals that are healthy for her when she visits and cook them. But still she seems to see me as evil.

I guess I’m rambling but can anyone relate? Is it narcissism? Is it something else?

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John2014's picture
[69995]
Nov 15

hey man! I cannot relate to that ***p but i just gotta tell you something. I think the more power you give to your MIL, the more of a C**t she will be. She is your MIL not your Mom. Is your Partner supporting you? just tell your partner how you feel about your MIL. I'm furious to read about your struggles, man. No one deserves to go through that crap. While growing up, we get **** on by parents and now you have to take **** from your MIL, jesus! You deserve to be happy, man! You seem kind. Your MIL always take advantage of your kindness. If I were you, i'd have a talk with the partner and not deal with the MIL crap anymore.

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Bloodstone2020's picture
[5635]
Nov 15

@John2014 Amen. Peace

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