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My ex Narc contacted me last week after a bad breakup. She s

[160]

My ex Narc contacted me last week after a bad breakup. She said it was for closure. I don’t get it, still confused by all of this. Can someone shed some light ? What else should i expect to happen now ?

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[3370]
Sep 18

@coachh56 A key thing to remember is who they are MOST of the time. That doesn't change for someone with this disorder. My ex can come across as perfectly rational and loving at times, but one has to learn how to see through that...and remember who she really is. I wouldn't communicate with her at all except for the fact we have 3 kids. I won't even take phone calls unless there is a kid issue that can only be discussed that way. I keep everything to text messages and only respond to kid related issues. And trust me, there is a lot more. Example: she just bought a house and a lawnmower...it broke. She starts asking me to mow for her. Me: No, I don't have time.... She then begs and offers a lot of money. I politely refuse. Then the text messages turn to how sick she is, but tells me she isn't trying to make me feel guilty....but how hard her life has become. Then it turns into what a wonderful father I am because I have kept the kids grounded and keep them in church and close to God. My response: Thank you. ...which is probably even more than I should have said. I just try to keep things on reasonably good terms because the kids have to hear it if I anger her. I quickly learned that if you give attention to any of the crap they start feeding you, it is like pulling the cork out of the dam....you pull that cork and the whole dam caves in and it flows like a mad river and it is hard to stop after that. I say all of that to say, unless there is some good reason for contact, I would not even respond to her.

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[6155]
Sep 18

@coachh56 Throw rational out the window. They are NOT rational. Confusing you and keeping you on edge is their whole objective.....they can sense your confusion and they literally feed off of it. I would suggest spending some time online researching narcissism.....it will help you come to terms with what you've been subjected to. Hoovering, lovebombing, narcissistic supply, narcissistic projection, gaslighting......research ALL of those terms. Read articles, blogs, watch videos.....it can be overwhelming, but the more you research, the more you will find other people telling YOUR exact same story....and it will help make sense out of their nonsense.

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[6155]
Sep 18

@kelly72 Good advice!! They know that we are "fixers" and they will give us glimpses of hope....and they know that if they give us glimpses, they can give us false hope that things could be "normal". BUT IT'S ALL A GAME!!! They love to manipulate! They love to trick and deceive! They just want to keep us hooked as long as possible to play with us.....like an animal toying with injured prey before they eat it. They are truly predators.

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