Married to a narcissist for a long time, still locked in for

Married to a narcissist for a long time, still locked in for mainly financial reason. Now as I am getting aware of narcissists and their abuses, I figure out most of the key people in my life are narcissists (mainly covert). Why is this happening to me?

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[10745]
Oct 21

@Lockedin first I love ur screen name. That’s exactly how I feel with my narc husband. 17 years together, 2 kids, so yes I feel locked in too. As for why it’s happening to u, to I agree completely with runwild33. Youre like most of us on here. Caring, loving, compassionate. Everything the narcs aren’t. And, I was never even aware of this disorder. I was so blind. It took me til like 2 years ago to finally give it a name. Once I did, all of his actions etc made so much sense. I could never look at him the same way. Good luck to u. There r many in here who get it and will give great advice.

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[33395]
Oct 21

@Lockedin
You might do some digging around in memories of your childhood. I did and was purely amazed by the people that were around me, grooming me as a child. I discovered my own Mother was narcissist. She loved me conditionally, meaning if I did what she wanted, she would reward me in some way. If I didn't get the reward, I would give and give and give until I got the reward. I carried that behavior through life and became the perfect target for a narc. She also taught me to put other people's needs first. Why was my Father attracted to my Mother? His Mother was narcissist and he was the scapegoat child. He was co-dependent and had lots of unresolved fears that he projected onto me, as they had been projected onto him. When I started identifying my insecurities, I discovered a lot of them were not mine to carry. Yet, I had been influenced by them all of my life. I was a walking, talking billboard for narc's. As I began addressing my fears, contrived as a child, I addressed them as an adult. They began to dissolve and I found my "No Contact List," getting longer as I added new names. My life began to change and my self esteem began to improve. I started doing the opposite of what my own empathy was prompting me to do. When I felt the desire to give even though there was no reciprocation, I stopped myself from giving again. Instead of putting the needs of others first, I would ask myself the question, "What's in it for me?" By changing those two ideals, I found myself less attractive to toxic people. I am still a work in progress, but I feel I am on my way.

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MTlost's picture
[7020]
Oct 21

@Lockedin Early childhood is exactly where to look. My mother too was a narcissist. Everything @Ducktape says is spot on. Even though no one wants to be abused by narcs or anyone else...learned and subconscious behavior is a real thing. If you already see you are with a narcissist...you are on your way. Everyone in this group has the power of support and information. You are in the right place

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