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I've been reading through the posts and Im wondering how you

I've been reading through the posts and Im wondering how you know for sure that someone is a narcissists. I highly suspect that my husband, now separated, is a narcissist. I've suspected it for a while but after being separated for 6weeks I have a slightly clearer head and can say that Im almost certain, my family suspects it too. I told him that I think he is and he said that its a high possibility because nearly all the traits matched his although firstly he said it was me that had the problem and was the narcissist. There is absolutely no doubt that I was in an abusive relationship, physically and emotionally and there was 5 other women throughout our 10years, he eventually left me for the 5th one after I had a child. I didn't fit into his world anymore, he would just say he wants his wife back, he wants who he married back and say I wasn't giving him enough attention. I had a newborn baby and postnatal depression, I didn't know what I could do. Now I'm 99% sure Im dealing with a trauma bond. Anyway the question is how do you know for sure that they are a narcissist?

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freeone1234's picture
[6245]
Jun 14

@Daisycup
Please, read these topics before you act. The narcissist's letter is a good read.
http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/2015/11/18/lonely-state-mind/

http://outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-c-ptsd

https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/trauma-bonding-is-it-love-or-something-else/

https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-recognise-the-5-types-of-trauma-bonding/

https://narcissisticbehavior.net/the-place-of-cognitive-dissonance-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/unreality-check-cognitive-dissonance-in-narcissistic-abuse-1007144

http://www.thenarcissisticpersonality.com/cognitive-dissonance/

https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/04/25/letter-from-a-narcissists-true-self/

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[4385]
Jun 14

Remember it is not black & white or on & off. Narcissism is a term applied to someone who exhibits multiple traits to varying degrees. As others have already said, diagnosis is only possible by a competent professional. I like Ducktape's analogy "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck..."
What works for me, when I am on the receiving end of these traits, in sufficient quantity that it bothers me, then I call it done. Don't care about a diagnosis. I just don't want to be treated like somebody's doormat any more. I am quite happy to serve as judge and jury in my own life. I have (thankfully) lost the urge to be executioner.

Reply
[625]
Jun 15

Thankyou everyone, the more i look into the more i'm sure he is. Ducktape mentioned harems, i didnt even realise narcs had harems. He always has a harem of women at work, when one annoyed him he would discard of them like garbage and just find someone else. Its funny because thats exactly what i used to call them, his harem.
Im finding this so hard to accept. I feel like 10years has been a lie.

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